Free Time
by sandydragon
Summary: This is what Madara doesn't want you to know. Rated T for Hidan and other things. Ideas welcome and holidays included.
1. Shooting Clay Targets

Author's note: I may feature non Akatsuki members a little in future chapters. If you have any ideas on hobbies the Akatsuki might enjoy, feel free to tell me.

Shooting Clay Targets

"Come on Sasori, at least give this a try."

"No. For the thirtieth time, that's not art."

"Suit yourself." Deidara loaded more clay seeking bullets into his gun. He just didn't know why Sasori wouldn't try having fun for once. It's not like they had enough free time to enjoy themselves often. Deidara walked over to the make-shift target launcher and loaded some of his creations into it. Deidara tried to ignore how Sasori was giving him his classic annoyed as hell expression as he activated the launcher.

"Are you sure you don't want to try? It'll be a blast, un!"

Sasori rolled his eyes. That brat didn't know the meaning of entertainment. How could shooting clay be fun anyway? It didn't scream when you hit it and it never put up a fight. Sasori glared at Deidara and growled, "Just get this over with."

"You'll never attract any ladies with that voice, un" Deidara replied. He waited until his art was shot out of the launcher before he fired five of his bullets. Four of them hit their marks and blew up their targets. The last one missed, but then it turned in midair and landed into its target with a bang. Deidara smiled. Who needed aim when you had art that did the work for you? He loaded his gun with another bullet before realizing he'd left the rest at the lair. Damn it! He didn't have time to make more and the lair was twelve miles away. His free time would be wasted if he went back for them now. Before he could ready the launcher, Sasori interrupted him.

"Maybe I should try it."

"It's good to see you've come to his senses." Deidara handed the gun to Sasori before he turned around so he could see his shot. Little did he know Sasori's target wasn't one of the ones that he had prepared.

Sasori made sure the gun was properly loaded. His target had clay being prepared in his hands, so he knew he would make the shot. Deidara needed to learn not to make him angry. He should have at least done some research before he even tried to insult him. Too bad his old girlfriend had died or Deidara would have learned how nasty wind users could get. Sasori made sure to aim between Deidara's legs. He didn't need to kill the brat; he just needed to make his point. Deidara was still waiting patiently, but Sasori knew that wouldn't last. As Sasori prepared to shoot, he started grinning beneath Hiruko. This was too easy. Sasori braced himself and then he pulled the trigger. Deidara had been daydreaming about his art, so the shot scared the heck out of him. He ended up running and once he realized the clay targets hadn't been launched, he didn't even think about stopping.

"This is NOT funny, un!"

"It is to me. Who knew your clay was good for something?"

Deidara bit back a sharp retort. The bullet was catching up and he could mess with Sasori later. As he put in a burst of speed, Deidara started sweating bullets of his own. He didn't know how long he could keep up his pace, but at least he was losing weight. Deidara knew that even his own special bullets couldn't keep going forever. He just hoped he wouldn't run out of steam before it did.

Sasori watched as the blond brat ran from the bullet. He knew Deidara would probably blow up his bed when he returned, but it was worth it. After that thought, Sasori heard a high pitched, girly scream from the direction Deidara had run in. If the bullet had hit its mark, Kakuzu would have his work cut out for him once Deidara returned. Deidara would never be able to forget what the other members would probably say either. Sasori kept on grinning as he started to head back to the hideout. He should spend his free time with Deidara more often.

End note: Like it? Hate it? R&R either way. Sorry if this sounded like bashing, I can't help myself when Deidara's involved.


	2. The Halloween Special

The Halloween Special

Once the Akatsuki had gathered, Pein began to assign the yearly duties of the members, "Deidara, put mines under the sidewalk. Sasori, control the ghosts and skeletons. Kisame, stay in the pool and don't eat anyone. Itachi, stay in your room and don't ram into the wall when the door bell rings this year. Kakuzu prepare Hidan and sew his mouth shut. Hidan, try not to scare away all of the kids. Zetsu, make sure the bushes stay put. Just because they're related to you doesn't mean they get candy. Taka, all of you should see if you can get candy out of the pool if it falls in. Tobi, just dress up and leave already! As usual, Konan and I will be running the haunted house down the street. We will also take possession of half of everybody's candy when we return. Don't screw this up like last year!" After the mile long speech had ended, all of the members assumed their positions except for Hidan who had to be carried into a sarcophagus after being mummified (and screaming various cuss words before he had to hold them in the rest of the night).

Within an hour, the trick-or-treaters began to arrive. By some miracle, Itachi made it to a window and let candy literally rain into the street. None of the kids bothered with Deidara's mine field trap as they ran straight in the middle of the road. Thank goodness all of the roads were empty, otherwise Zetsu would have had a lot of cleaning up to do.

Meanwhile, Orochimaru had snuck over the fence toward the pool. He had to scare some little boys badly (and Sasuke too while he was at it), but first he loosened the opening of a certain statue. Then he merrily skipped towards the bush Sasuke had hid in until the Pedophile Police took him away. Too bad the Tooth Fairy Hunters didn't see Sasuke's girly costume. Otherwise Karin really would have had some fun beating the hell out of those confused five year olds. The weakened statue didn't break, but a small crack or two did appear on it. Shukaku and the Nibi managed to squeeze through and shock the scientific community since it was Halloween, but they knew they would be sucked right back in at midnight. Lucky for them, Kisame actually stayed in the pool this year. Don't worry; the disturbing results will be skipped due to the grossness of demon digestive systems.

As Sasori patiently waited for his next victim, he was paid an unexpected visit. Even he didn't think the sand siblings trick-or-treated. Instead of guaranteeing his demise, he managed to inch his way down to a safe spot on the ground. Within five minutes, he discovered Gaara had been smart enough to throw a Halloween party. Since Kakuzu was still knitting spider webs instead of watching Hidan, he grabbed the sarcophagus and dragged it to Gaara's party. If Sasori was lucky, his dead girlfriend just might have manifested over there.

As Pein entered the hideout after his job that wasn't really a haunted house with Konan, he almost had enough steam come out of him to shoot out his piercings like bullets. Not only were most people missing, but Sasori was communicating with a ghost of some woman in his bedroom, Deidara was about ready to turn Zetsu into "art" for the noises the bushes were making outside, and Tobi wouldn't stop saying ,"Tobi is a good boy!" Not to mention there was a "Warning: Pedophile Sighting" sign on the door. Instead of ruining his nigh, Pein pulled out a bottle of alcoholic cider, went with Konan to their bedroom, and resumed his real "duty". It was no surprise to anyone that Sasori wanted to swap some slightly changed duties with Pein next year.


	3. Thank Goodness

Author's note: Man I hate being late with chapters. This one won't be about the dinner since I doubt the dinner could be made without blowing something up. So this is about the Akatsuki actually like about each other instead so I can have a little less overused humor. Taka not included.

Thank Goodness

If there was one member in the Akatsuki that Nagato didn't mind, it was definitely Konan. She was the only member who didn't act like a maniac at least once a week. That and he'd had a crush on her for years. He couldn't find the right way to propose to her yet, but he was trying. At least she seems to like him most of the time too. A woman not liking him in a certain time of the month every month was perfectly normal.

Konan felt the exact same way about Nagato, but she didn't understand why he hadn't proposed to her yet. She'd known about his crush for years and yet he still wouldn't speak his mind. Oh well, men will be men.

Even though he would never admit it, Sasori really did care about Deidara. Deidara was completely wrong about art, but he did have his moments. They argued often, but Sasori still had some respect for Deidara. It came from him not being as annoying as any of the Kazekages he had met, but that would have to do until Deidara learned when to shut up.

Deidara could never agree with Sasori's ideas. Sasori was much too serious for him and his humor usually involved someone coming close to being crippled for life. He supposed Sasori had a point at times, but he really needed to get his head out of the past and stop being such a downer all of the time.

Itachi had come to appreciate Kisame in a way. Yes Kisame was brutal and maybe insane as well, but at least he let Itachi have some peace once in a while. Not to mention he seemed concerned when he stayed awake in the night do to both his grief and illness. Kisame understood how it felt to murder those that you were supposed to trust.

Kisame knew that Itachi was usually quiet, but he still enjoyed himself with him. Their weekend fishing trips were some of the coolest things he had ever done, literally. He was glad the both of them didn't cross each other's boundaries either. He just wished Itachi hadn't looked at him like that when he had eaten a baby seal. Itachi did not have the instincts of a shark, but maybe there was something more to their relationship than he knew.

Hidan was the ideal partner for Kakuzu only because of his immortality. Kakuzu would never understand Hidan's religion. He only understood the money he got for Hidan's victims and that was what counted.

Hidan never appreciated Kakuzu either. Kakuzu would never understand the power of his ritual. If Kakuzu's brain didn't live in his wallet, they might have understood each other better.

Tobi wished everyone would loosen up. He was a good boy, so why didn't anyone play with him? Even Tobi 2 ran away from him on sight. Tobi just wanted friends, but he can't even have them no matter how wonderful he is. The only person who really cared about him was Zetsu, but the tub full of barbeque sauce in his room didn't inspire confidence. Even Tobi wasn't going to fall for that.

Zetsu had an unusual way of thinking about the other members. They all looked like walking food to him. Nagato was a steak, Konan was ice cream, Deidara was a sausage, Sasori was a hamburger, Hidan was a fruit cake, Kakuzu was spaghetti, Kisame was a fish stick, Itachi was a corndog, and, best of all, Tobi was a chocolate bar.


	4. The Christmas Special

Author's note: I don't know if I can squeeze the New Year's chapter in today, but I should have it done by the end of winter break. This chapter is split into two sections by *s for part 1. Enjoy.

The one thing that the Akatsuki dreaded about Christmas Eve was getting Tobi to sleep. Tobi could take hours to get to sleep because the very thought of Santa Claus and his magical reindeer made him hyper. Since all of the Akatsuki members need to sleep or at least rest, each member had to take a turn on the Tobi Sleep Squad to get the masked man to sleep instead of setting up a Santa search operation at midnight. Since Pein and Konan were busy with some mistletoe and Zetsu was chained up to stop him from making out with the tree, everyone else had to deal with the hyperactive Santa fan themselves.

Deidara was the first to try the near impossible task. Several "Get to sleep, un!"s later, he decided to try to roast some chestnuts for Tobi. If he filled him up enough, he might succeed in his mission. Unfortunately, the resulting explosions only made Tobi hide under the covers and for Deidara to be blown out the chimney.

Hidan's attempt didn't go well either. After five minutes full of various threats, curses, and muttered oaths involving beating the living heck out of Tobi, Kakuzu had to go to Tobi's room, slap a "Do not open until next Christmas" sticker on Hidan's mouth, and drag the fuming Jashinist to his room.

Next came Itachi followed by Kisame due to Itachi repeatedly walking into a wall. Kisame then made sure Itachi faced Tobi while his sharingan could hypnotize Tobi. Unfortunately for Itachi, Tobi's own sharingan got to him first thus causing him to fall asleep. Kisame knew his methods would probably just make Tobi wet his bed, so he dragged Itachi out of the room and prayed Sasori had a good idea.

Tobi was still awake and hyper as Sasori entered his room. Sasori still had his ace in the hole up his sleeve though. So Sasori began to tell Tobi a bedtime story about Shukaku the Sandman* and Sandy Claws**. Sasori began by telling Tobi about how kids who didn't sleep got their presents stolen by Shukaku and, if the didn't do as they were told, were beaten by Sandy Claws. Soon Tobi had knocked himself out cold in order to sleep until Christmas. Sasori then walked quietly to his workshop down stairs and began to read a book on puppet repair and improvement. Then he smiled. What he didn't tell Tobi was that Shukaku was sealed away, Sandy Claws was a myth, and that Shukaku actually was a friend of Santa and the reindeer (or at least was on good terms with them at the moment).

*See my fic, Shukaku the Sandman 

**This belongs to The Nightmare Before Christmas

On Christmas morning, the Akatsuki members all dashed down stairs to open their presents from Santa Claus (and his loyal elf in training, Tobi). Pein was the only official member absent as he was trying to get Christmas dinner. Not to mention Taka already got their gift, a day at the famous hot springs! The presents were the following: Deidara got Play Dough so he could make less destructive art, Sasori got a new tool kit so he wouldn't have to waste so much chakra, Kisame got a goldfish to be his girlfriend, Itachi got a seeing eye dog named Rover so he could walk without ramming into random walls, Zetsu got fertilizer so that he could get taller and hopefully attract REAL plants, Kakuzu got a sewing kit so that he could make pretty and/or slightly creepy art himself, Hidan got a censoring device so that his cussing is always censored unless the device was disabled or destroyed, Pein would get his tattoo kit to go with his piercings when he returned, Tobi got a DS with Nintendogs so he could have a pet that wouldn't run away or try to claw his eyes out, and Konan got a super powerful magnet to make sure she got to be with Pein as much as she wanted.

All was well until Pein returned. As he limped through the door he exclaimed, "Tonight we're eating venison!" Within a matter of seconds, Tobi had launched himself at the deceased deer and attempted to perform CPR as the rest of the Akatsuki all started creaming (and bleeping in Hidan's case) at Pein in rage. Nobody even realized that it was just an ordinary deer, it was not magical or Santa's ,so it was fair game since all of the grocery stores were closed due to a blizzard.


	5. New Year's Resolutions

Author's note: Thankfully I have an idea for the next chapter already. I have to go back to school tomorrow, but I'll still have time to write in advance. I don't own anything referenced to in this chapter.

Every year, the members of the Akatsuki made New Year's resolutions. Though they seemed simple, they helped the Akatsuki members keep their sanity. That is, if they still had any left.

Pein had two resolutions. The first was to spend more time with Konan. That would help him feel less stressed about managing the Akatsuki for sure. The second one was to Tobi proof the statue with the tailed beasts in it. He'd already heard Shukaku mention cookies to Tobi, so he needed to prevent both seven demons escaping and Tobi getting hyper. Tobi was definitely the bigger issue.

Konan just wanted to get Pein's attention more. Yes, they had dates often, but he needed to hurry up and propose. Even Konan needed to know a sane person would always be by her side.

As always, Deidara wanted to invent techniques to use against Itachi. Hiding rabid raccoons in his room or poisoning his food just wouldn't do. Itachi should either go out with a bang or die in a torture chamber. Too bad the Endless Fireworks jutsu had missed Itachi and blown up half the hideout. Deidara would just have to Tobi sit another six months to pay off his debt before he got back to work.

Sasori's resolution would be misunderstood by most of the Akatsuki. All he wanted was to forget his past, including his former crush. The fact that Deidara would have to capture Gaara only reminded him of his past. Only Pein and Konan knew why Sasori avoided talking about the fourth kazekage's family. The rest of the Akatsuki couldn't believe a downer like Sasori ever loved anybody.

Kakuzu decided to make even more scams for, you guessed it, more money. Even Mr. Krabs would be shocked by Kakuzu's cheapness and the complexity of his schemes. Now if only he could spend enough money to actually put one plan in motion for once.

Hidan's resolution usually involves pleasing Jashin, but all he wants now is to remove the censoring device from his mouth. He needed to let his various curses and threats loose, but now they were being held in. Hidan had always been a believer in the Freedom of Speech, so it's no surprise he's been trying desperately to pry the device out of his mouth. All his hard work has only earned him over one hundred shocks to the roof of his now burnt mouth. But that sure won't stop Hidan from trying even harder to regain his right to cuss.

Itachi wanted to teach his dog some tricks. Sadly, the dog will probably be trained badly due to Iachi's blindness.

Kisame would love to go fishing more often. He sure needs to enjoy himself more and there is nothing Kisame likes more than to fish and eat his catch. The only thing better would be eating seals, but Konan beat the living hell out of him the last time he ate one of those. It's a good thing Kisame can replace his teeth like any other shark; he'd have multiple holes in his smile otherwise.

Zetsu hopes to get a girlfriend this next year. It will be tough, but he knows that in a greenhouse out there somewhere a rose, a daisy, or maybe even a Venus flytrap similar to himself grows, ready to fill his wilted heart with love. A few bags of fertilizer and some sunshine are all he needs to appeal to a flower he would love to make his own.

Tobi's resolution has changed because of his brand new DS. Now he wants his nintendog, Deidara the female golden retriever, to win all of the contests. He knows it will probably take months of rigorous training and lots of love, but he knows he can do it.


	6. Valentine's Day

Author's note: If this seems rushed, that's because I have an update and a one-shot to do by the end of this week. At least I'm getting ideas again. Me and romance almost never mix (this isn't a Gaara related fic, so that makes it worse) so I'm sorry if this isn't that good.

Pein knew he needed to spend more time with Konan, but this was ridiculous. He had expected a really fancy date, but all he got was a trip to an origami museum and a box of chocolates. At least Tobi had left them alone for once. He'd have to worry about finding Rusty later though. Tobi would lose it without that cat. Rusty had run like the wind into the forest early in the morning and he didn't show signs of returning. Rusty probably had a girlfriend, so at least he should be a little happier now. As long as Konan kisses him tonight and he doesn't need to explain Rusty's behavior to Tobi, Pein should at least enjoy himself a little.

Sasori really didn't understand how Deidara could enjoy Valentine's Day so much. The closest thing Deidara ever got to a girl kissing him was when his hands made out with each other. Deidara may not have gotten drunk enough to do that yet, but the ladies at the bar are definitely going to knock him out if he keeps trying to flirt with him. Sasori had no reason to love anymore. The only person he ever loved had died years ago. Just the thought about that woman made Sasori wish he could still escape using alcohol. It's only a matter of time before Deidara has to go after their target and make everything even more painful.

Itachi was really starting to question Kisame's sanity. Sure he didn't have a girlfriend, but Itachi wasn't gay either. Why couldn't Kisame just find a good looking goldfish or maybe even another shark? Kisame's cousin had already tried to eat Itachi once, so he couldn't even consider going to family reunions. When Itachi died, he didn't need his whole clan beating him up in heaven or hell for disgracing them. He didn't want to disappoint Kisame either, but Itachi was sure Kisame would get over it eventually. Itachi had better sleep with a few guards until Kisame learns how to treat Itachi like a friend again instead of fast food.

Kakuzu had seen Hidan do a lot of disturbing things before, but this was just plain wrong. Even Kakuzu wouldn't kill dating people on Valentine's Day. He didn't know how many more teenagers would die that day, but he had already lost count. At least Hidan's usual ranting was still being censored.

Zetsu couldn't believe his rotten luck. The one time he actually got a date, she died in the freeze before he could even start flirting with her. Zetsu now knows he needs to move to the tropics, live in a greenhouse, or forget about love for a while. Things would be a whole lot easier if Kakuzu would just let him buy a flower to put in the hideout. He'd even settle for a weed at this point.

Rusty knew his time for love was coming to an end. Tobi would probably catch up to him any minute now. He doubted he could escape that hyperactive knucklehead again, but at least he got to see Sandstorm one last time. It was nice to be called Firestar again, even if it would only last a few hours longer at most.


	7. The Easter Special

Author's note: You shouldn't expect this to update again until June since exams will keep me busy until then. The good news is I have a small arc planned for this and it will start in June if all goes well. The bad news is I don't have time to make this very long, but it's better than nothing.

Most of the Akatsuki members dreaded Easter more than anything. It wasn't the concept, the enormous bunny, or even the candy itself that caused panic. No, everyone in the Akatsuki except Tobi dreaded Easter because Tobi managed to make himself hyper by eating pounds of chocolate and jellybeans every year. Not to mention he still believed in the Easter bunny. That made everything much more annoying to everyone involved.

Since Tobi was likely to flood the hideout with tears if he did not awaken to finds tons of Easter eggs everywhere, the other members held a drawing to see who would hide the eggs each year. That may not sound bad, but there was a catch. The chosen member had to lay the eggs out at midnight in a giant pink bunny costume. Not only was in freaky looking, it was hotter than a stove in there. The teasing didn't help either.

Each current member has been the bunny at least once with varying amounts of success. Sasori had snuck some sedative into Tobi's chocolate milk, so he didn't have to worry about making noise. Deidara had been caught by Konan as he put "silly putty" (his clay) into the eggs and he had so many paper cuts afterwards that it hurt for him to move. Kakuzu and Hidan didn't have any problems aside from some swearing. Kisame hid an egg at the bottom of the pool and Tobi had almost drowned just to get it. Itachi got lost and left a trail of eggs all the way to the Sand Village. Konan always found the best hiding places. Pein's first time was this last year and it got pretty complicated for him.

Tobi II kept trying to sneak out that night plus he coughed up a disgusting Easter grass hairball. Thankfully Pein managed to keep him away from the chocolate. The hiding of the eggs went well until he started hiding them by the freakishly ugly statue. The two-tailed cat kept trying to get out and eat him. Pein eventually had to slip Shukaku a whole pound of chocolate so he would agree to hold her down. Then Shukaku started to get a sugar rush and, needless to say, all of the other beasts screamed to be let out. Pein had given Tobi some sleeping pills, but he still had to put some tranquilizer in some sake for Shukaku just in case. When that was over however, all of the eggs had disappeared. After following the scent of chocolate for a mile, he found a nasty looking dragon sleeping on a pile made up of the eggs and tons of candy. Pein tried to sneak off with part of the stash, but the dragon woke up and tried to maul him. After the dragon tried to incinerate Pein, all of the candy wound up in a gooey heap and Pein wound up with third degree burns as well as some singed eyebrows.

What about poor Tobi you ask? Well, Tobi woke up on Easter morning to find a large maze of eggs throughout the hideout. He even found a huge Easter basket full of assorted candy and a few stuffed animals. Nobody ever found out who really put all of the eggs there besides Tobi. Most of the Akatsuki thought Pein had beaten the dragon and Pein thought Konan had covered up for him. Tobi may never realize it, but he had finally realized something nobody else ever had besides the tailed beasts. The demons could be heard whispering about a visit from a certain holiday icon. Though they still agreed that Santa and the reindeer were in it for the fame and films, they finally realized that the Easter Bunny cared about the kids (and knucklehead ninjas).


	8. Goodbye Tobi II

Author's note: I wish I'd realized exactly how busy I'd end up this summer. At least I know what's basically going to happen in the next two chapters. This connects slightly to one of my Warriors stories, but even people who haven't read Warriors should get most of this. I'd be happy to clear things up a little if some people don't. I hope this isn't too short since this is a bit of a set up chapter.

Goodbye Tobi II

Summer was as brutal as ever at the Akatsuki headquarters. Most of the members could barely fight the heat let alone massive demons. Only Tobi and Kisame seemed to enjoy themselves. Even Sasori had started to get annoyed with the heat. Everyone knew Kisame coped well since he spent most of the day in the pool (which is why few of the other members ever got to use it), but Tobi's reason was even more painfully obvious if you paid attention. Tobi spent all day with his beloved cat, Tobi II. The cat actually seemed to enjoy summer as well despite how painful the hot stone was under his paws. Tobi always went on walks with Tobi II outside everyday courtesy of a custom leash. When Tobi eventually took the leash off one day to let Tobi II have a little freedom, he never expected that his cat would run away.

Tobi II had wanted to escape as soon as Tobi had taken him in. He hadn't been able to stand people since he became feral and Tobi was no exception. Tobi II at least expected to be treated as the dignified, proud leader he was instead of a target for death hugs. The other Akatsuki members at least sympathized with the poor cat, but he couldn't stand that little knucklehead anymore. He had eventually forced himself to act as if he loved Tobi to gain his trust and leave. His Clan needed him and he wasn't going to let anyone get in his way. He was only too glad to dash out of the park after Tobi had decided to grab some ice cream. He did feel a little sorry for Tobi, but the Clan must always come first.

After realizing Tobi II had left him, Tobi ran straight back to headquarters in a state of hysteria. After translating Tobi's frantic speech, the other members decided to look (or pretend to look in some cases) for Tobi II. There wasn't a single village no matter how remote that hadn't heard of an orange tom named Tobi II within a few hours. Some Leaf villagers even decided to pitch in seeing as Tobi II looked remarkably like their kitten Rusty whom they had lost years ago. No matter how hard anyone looked though, Tobi II couldn't be found. It took a week of rigorous searching to finally locate the lost feline, but the situation couldn't have been worse.

After an extremely large cat fight involving dozens of cats was heard, the Akatsuki wasted no time in rushing to the scene. In hopes of finding Tobi II, they scanned the area thoroughly, but there were too many cats to pick a single one out at first. After what seemed like ages of yowling and screeching, the fighting ended to reveal a gruesome scene. There was blood everywhere and multiple cats had bloody wounds covering them. Some cats even appeared to have died in large pools of their own blood. There seemed to be ghostly cats disappearing as well though most of the Akatsuki except Itachi believed it was a massive genjutsu. It only took a moment for Tobi II to be found after the ghostly figures departed.

He lay in a bloody heap in the center of the former battleground. Blood streamed out of wounds on his underside and neck and some trickled slowly out of his mouth. Strangely, Tobi was not the one to cry. After a few cats appeared to try and save Tobi II, the poor cat drew his last breath. After a hazy outline of a cat guided by another ascended to the sky, the whole clearing became filled with the cries of grief stricken cats. The body of Tobi II was carried by two other cats as all of the feral cats left. As the Akatsuki members solemnly walked home, not so much as a sniffle was heard from Tobi.

Though they had no body to bury, the Akatsuki agreed to hold a funeral for the brave cat. Some of his favorite toys were buried in a small box with a small tombstone with the deceased cat's name on it nearby. All of the members seemed affected even if they hadn't really liked Tobi II much. The two most affected were Deidara and Tobi. Deidara had been perhaps the only member Tobi II enjoyed to some extent seeing as they knew each other's pain as much as possible without speech on Tobi II's part. Deidara even went so far as to place flowers on the grave and he actually shed a tear or two. Tobi on the other hand was changed drastically. He locked himself up in his room following the funeral. Konan left food for him outside his door, but Tobi was so traumatized he would even show his face to eat and only left his room at night when he knew nobody was watching. All of the other members pitied Tobi and even missed the energy he could bring to pretty much anything. Even Deidara and Sasori became concerned even though neither of them would admit it. It took weeks for Tobi to reappear, but that was possibly even worse for the other members than anything else they had ever experienced.

Another note: I'm not used to writing cliffhangers, but I doubt anyone will expect what happens next chapter. I know this had little to no humor in it, but next chapter will make up for that and the one after that should be even better considering the surprise I have planned for it. I won't be able to update for about 10 days starting Wednesday thanks to a trip, but maybe I can write some chapters out in a notebook or something. I probably won't have much time for that thanks to my grandma ,but I'll figure something out.


	9. Tobi's Dark Side and his Recovery

Author's note: I have even more ideas for future chapters now and I might sneak a second chapter in later today if I'm lucky. I'm going on a vacation tomorrow and won't be able to update again until I'm back in August. At least most of August if still free for me until school rears its ugly head again. I don't own Naruto or what this crosses over a little with (I won't spoil what yet).

Tobi's Dark Side and his Recovery

Ever since the death of his beloved cat, Tobi hadn't been himself. Even after he finally came out of his room in full view of the rest of the Akatsuki and resumed his duties, he was no longer a source of amusement or annoyance for anyone. The first major hint that something had gone horribly wrong was when Deidara noticed Tobi never followed him anymore. After much contemplation, Deidara realized he actually missed his annoying partner trailing after him like a puppy. The other members figured Tobi just needed time alone for a while. That lasted until Tobi actually ordered Pein to go and burn any pictures of Tobi II. Pein refused at first seeing as Tobi II technically had been a member (one of the better behaved ones at that). Tobi simply glared at Pein before stating in a rather dark way that would make Sasuke proud, "Burn those pictures now or else I will fill the remainder of your life with torment and misery." After looking like he'd been electrocuted and complying with Tobi's request, Pein called an emergency meeting with all of the members except Tobi who was busy kicking random puppies required to attend.

After all of the members had seated themselves more somberly than usual, Pein briefly described Tobi's situation and asked everyone to propose solutions to be voted on. After disregarding suggestions such as beating Tobi in the head with a brick, kicking him out of the Akatsuki, and secretly moving in with Orochimaru, there turned out to be only one reasonable solution. After Kakuzu bribed a couple midgets, preparations were made to attempt to return Tobi to his former hyper self.

As Itachi managed to distract Tobi with plans to capture Naruto, Kakuzu set up a few traps for his target. After Tobi was successfully bound and gagged, the Akatsuki carried their struggling captive to a factory at an undisclosed location. Sasori had his work cut out for him when it came to prying open the gates and disabling some irritating singing puppets that were poorly made in comparison to his own, but eventually the Akatsuki forced there way into the deserted factory. After ignoring the sound of hyper midgets enjoying cocoa beans and breaking though an enormous door, the Akatsuki discovered more candy than any of them ever imagined as well as a chocolate waterfall. Seeing Tobi's continued struggle and lack of hyperness, the other members rushed to an enormous pool of chocolate by the waterfall, removed Tobi's bindings and the cloth shoved through his mask to his mouth, and hurled him into the chocolate.

After a few seconds praying Tobi knew how to swim, the Akatsuki members saw Tobi rise to the surface of the chocolate. After a suspenseful moment waiting for the chocolate to take effect, a very loud and happy yell of "Tobi LOVES chocolate!" relieved everyone. As everyone watched the recently recovered Tobi drink more of the liquid chocolate than anyone thought possible, a loud roar shook the building. Within moments, a huge gummy bear came dashing into the room. After spotting the Akatsuki members gathered by the edge of the chocolate pool, the aggressive gummy began chasing the Akatsuki with a clear intention to eat them or at least shred them. After jutsu harmlessly bounced off of the gummy and weapons just sank into it, the targeted members started trying to escape only to find the gummy bear's sugar gave it more energy than any of them.

After surfacing from a dive in the chocolate, Tobi spotted the angry candy chasing his comrades. With a few chocolate fueled leaps, he quickly caught up to the gummy. After wrestling the savage beast down and devouring as much of it as he could until it collapsed, Tobi and the other members all had a group hug. It was a jam packed one, but none of the members found any other means of expressing their joy efficiently. After grabbing a few handfuls of candy, the Akatsuki headed home with everyone except Tobi exhausted.

After Tobi's sugar rush eventually wore off, he was back to his old self. Quite a few eyebrows were raised and more jaws were dropped once some of the members realized Deidara rarely complained about Tobi anymore and Tobi tried to keep his energy in check. After Konan showed Pein a few adorable pictures of the two partners mutually enjoying each other's company for once, it was decided Tobi deserved a new pet for saving everyone's lives and for making the headquarters a happier place than in had been in weeks. What it would be nobody knew yet. Only the most special pet would do for Tobi and it would take quite a bit of effort to find Tobi's new best friend.

Another note: It feels good to write about Tobi normally again. I'll see if I can write the next chapter today since I pretty much have it planned out already. I'm still hyper from the latest Naruto chapter, so I'm at least going to give it a shot. For those of you who don't know by know, this crossed over with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I know there wasn't a gummy bear in the movie, but I couldn't resist using one.


	10. New Pets and New Neighbors

Author's note: It feels good to be able to update again. I have a few more ideas now too. A few important characters will be introduced in this chapter. This story has been referenced in Daring for Amusement II by Spotty1006, so I'm still hyper. I have more information for everyone regarding this story, but you'll have to wait for the end of this chapter first.

New Pets and New Neighbors

After Tobi saved everyone and had returned to his usual happy self, Pein and Konan decided he deserved a new pet as a reward. Since the new pet would need to be trained and had to at least have potential, all of the members aside from Tobi, Pein, and Konan were split into teams to go pet hunting. The teams were Zetsu and Kisame, Hidan and Kakuzu, and Itachi and Sasori while Deidara got to search alone since he knew Tobi better than anyone.

Deidara headed to the local pet store since they specialized in ninja animals. Upon reaching the store however, he found a lone man placing a notice on the door saying the store had been sold to new owners and it would no longer be a pet store after reopening. Seeing his chances of making his partner happy had pretty much vanished, Deidara angrily told off the man saying, "Why the hell would you sell this place? You're the best pet store around here for crying out loud!"

Hearing Deidara's complaint, the man sighed and muttered, "If you say the mentally insane girl who wanted this place, you would have sold it too. If you let me get your picture and contact information, I can see if I can hook you up with some breeders."

"Alright, just make sure to get me some information soon. I don't exactly have long to get this lousy job done." After writing down the Akatsuki's home phone number and getting his picture taken, Deidara headed back to the hideout and prayed none of the other members had any luck.

The man rushed into the building to inform the new owner that he had obtained some of the material she needed for her project. Even though he received a handsome sum of money for his services, he still felt a flash of pity for Deidara seeing as he and most of the rest of the Akatsuki would be better of in Hell once his new boss was through with her project.

At Wal-Mart, Zetsu and Kisame had practically forgotten about their mission. Zetsu was in the gardening center buying some fertilizer for himself and checking out some of the flowers. Kisame on the other hand was doing some grocery shopping in the fish section. After buying a couple of goldfish for himself and thinking about how to eat them without Tobi noticing, he headed for the checkout. The two of them both failed to notice some suspicious security cameras taking their pictures as they headed out.

Hidan and Kakuzu both agreed a real pet would just be tortured by Tobi and decided to buy him a Pokémon game for his new 3DS. After debating whether they should buy Black or White Version, they arrived at Best Buy. After finally locating the last copy of White Version in stock and realizing Black Version was sold out, the two of them dashed for the game. As Kakuzu grabbed it however, an insane looking girl tackled him and tried to take the game. With a loud yell of "What the heck could you possibly need this for that's so important?" Kakuzu attempted to beat the crazy girl off of him.

After around five minutes of wrestling with nobody able to take the game away, the girl growled, "For your information, I need this to help my club design a new game. What's your excuse?"

"We needed to get Tobi a pet, so Hidan and I agreed to buy this since it won't make a mess and cost me much money!"

For a second, the girl gave him a sympathetic smile. "Oh that's right. His cat died didn't he. Since it is for poor Tobi, how about a give you a deal."

"I'm listening."

"Once the game is finished, I'll get you the first copy."

"Why would I want to wait to pay?"

"It's free."

After hearing the word "free" Kakuzu released the game with a smile. "I'm glad to see you bargain well."

"How about I get some photos of you two for the game? I could use some more sprites and I owe you for pouncing like that."

Kakuzu and Hidan both agreed. After they both did a few poses for the girl as she took pictures, she headed towards the checkout with them as she complimented them on how wonderful their sprites would turn out. Neither Kakuzu nor Hidan had any regrets as they watched the now smiling girl drive off with their former target.

Sasori and Itachi didn't have such a good start. They had headed in the direction of the area where Tobi II had died since they had seen so many cats there last time. Only after passing the same cave around six times did Sasori finally tell Itachi to go look for directions.

As they headed into the cave to check their map and cool off a little, Itachi exclaimed in frustration, "Where did we go wrong?"

"You're holding the map upside down you know." As both members whipped around toward the voice, they only saw a cat curled up in a small nest staring at them.

"Did you just talk?" Sasori gave the cat a confused look and wondered if he was hearing voices again. That hadn't happened since Valentine's Day.

"Why, yes I did. Isn't that obvious?" The cat gave them a nasty look.

Itachi brightened up. "Hey, would you be interested in joining the Akatsuki? We're looking for an intelligent animal such as yourself for Tobi while we seek world domination."

The cat smiled a little and her eyes sparkled with pleasure. "I have a few terms."

"Name them."

"I keep my name."

"Sure."

"I get my own room."

"Tobi will need to be able to access it."

"Only during the day. I need to sleep at night."

"That's reasonable."

"Lastly, I'll need weapons."

Itachi winced. "We don't have any weapons suitable for cats."

The cat sighed, "Damn. Well, you are ninjas. The least you could do is teach me some jutsu."

"We'll need to test you're chakra nature after you're used to the hideout and Tobi before we start. What is your name anyway?"

"It's Cinderpaw. That sounds good to me. Show me where I sign."

After Itachi pulled out a contract, Cinderpaw dipped one claw into an ink bottle provided by Sasori, signed her name quite impressively for a cat, and followed Itachi as Sasori read the map while they went home.

After everyone except Pein who had taken Tobi to the park to get him outside set up the hideout for Cinderpaw, everyone eagerly awaited Tobi and Pein's return. It looked like someone had moved into the formerly empty house next to the hideout. As Konan was setting up a plate full of cookies for Tobi, the girl from Best Buy walked out of the house with a pet carrier containing a slightly overweight cat. "Good afternoon, neighbor," said the girl. "I see Tobi is going to be in for quite the surprise."

Konan, who rarely got to talk to other girls, eagerly replied, "We got him a new cat named Cinderpaw today. Speaking of cats, that sure is a cute one you have there."

The cat in the carrier turned around. "Hey Sandy, you never mentioned such smart people living next door. My name's Sake by the way."

Sandy rolled her eyes. "Don't start buttering her up about tuna yet please. I have enough to worry about with that project."

Now Konan was really interested. "What kind of project?"

With a smile, Sandy explained, "I'm the leader of a club that experiments with videogames. We're making our own Pokémon game soon. I already told Hidan and Kakuzu about it. They were pretty helpful too. Would you like me take pictures of some of the other Akatsuki members? I still need something to base a few sprites off of."

After the initial shock that Hidan and Kakuzu had actually helped someone had passed, Konan ran inside and grabbed a large photo album. "We even have Cinderpaw's picture already too. May I ask what your club is doing with the final product?"

"I promised Hidan and Kakuzu I'd give Tobi a copy. Then, the club members will get their own copies." Then Sandy started blushing so hard she almost looked sun burnt. "I'm kind of hoping to impress my boyfriend with it."

At this, Sake snickered. "The poor guy's probably too embarrassed to say you creep him out. Gaara does have a lot to choose from besides you after all. I bet he even has a real-" after Sandy sounded like she was growling, Sake shut up.

"At least I don't pine over a fat sand spirit who is definitely taken." Turning to Konan, she whispered, "Sorry about that."

Konan laughed. "It's okay. People tease me about Pein not being married to me all of the time. Why don't you come in and have a cookie? You look like you need one."

"Thanks for offering, but I really need to set some stuff up. It really was nice meeting you Konan. See you around." Sandy then headed into her own house, much to Konan's disappointment.

That disappointment vanished quickly as Pein and Tobi arrived at the hideout. After a red carpet was rolled out and Cinderpaw started running to her new owner, Tobi squealed with joy, "A new kitty? For me? THANK YOU EVERYBODY!" As Tobi ran inside to give Cinderpaw a tour of the hideout, nobody could stop smiling. That moment was too sweet to be ignored by anyone.

Author's note: I don't own Best Buy, Pokémon, or Wal-Mart. Cinderpaw belongs to Spotty1006. At least I own Sandy and Sake. Sandy is not me. She acts like me, but she is not me. In 3 or 4 chapters, you'll get to experience Sandy's project for at least 10 chapters. Until then, you'll just have to guess. It should seem at least slightly obvious, but I doubt anyone will expect all of my crazy ideas. I still have just under 3 weeks of summer vacation, so I'm going to try and update quite a bit.


	11. An Unnatural Chakra Nature

Author's note: Why do I always seem to get awesome ideas that need a lot of time to finish writing once school is just around the corner? I'm going to try to get another update in for this before school starts and more than that if I'm lucky. At least I won't have writer's block for a very long time thanks to the idea overflow I currently have.

An Unnatural Chakra Nature

Cinderpaw adapted to life with Tobi fairly quickly. Her room turned out to be great by cat standards since it had a huge cat tree, a scratching post, a bunch of toys, and a really soft bed with plenty of room in it all ready for her by the end of her first week with Tobi. Tobi must have learned how to treat cats more carefully since Tobi II died since he was much gentler with Cinderpaw. He played with her often, gave her anything she could ever need, put some catnip on her toys, let her have her alone time at night, and even snuck a can or two of tuna every once in a while. After realizing Cinderpaw had become used to Tobi to the point where she barely ever seemed bothered by him and he had gotten her to come whenever a can opener was used, Pein and Konan finally decided to start her training.

After an assessment of her taijutsu in which Cinderpaw shredded the training dummy, Cinderpaw was brought into a large chamber by Pein and Konan. After a moment or two of wondering why none of the other members were there, Cinderpaw spoke up, "Why the heck are we here? Shouldn't I be learning how to incinerate, drown, or at least electrocute people by now?"

Slightly amused and disturbed, Pein replied, "We have to find out your chakra nature first. That way we can see what you will specialize in. We use a special kind of paper that reacts to chakra to figure that out." Pein then placed a small piece of paper on the floor. "Put the edge of your paw on it and concentrate hard. You'll see when it works."

After placing the edge of one of her paws on the paper, Cinderpaw tried to imagine energy flowing from it to the paper. After a few moments of seeing nothing happen, she started giving the paper a death glare. Then she waited. And waited. And waited some more. Then the Jeopardy theme started blaring from another room. Cinderpaw hoped her chakra caused it until Pein screamed at Kakuzu to turn the volume down or else he will burn a dollar. Then all was silent again.

After half an hour of seeing Cinderpaw's eyes get ready to shoot out at the paper, Konan sighed. This wasn't going to end well. "Cinderpaw?"

"What? Can't you see I'm concentrating?"

"I can see that, but the paper should have reacted ages ago."

Cinderpaw shifted her glare in Konan's direction. "What are you implying? Spit it out!"

Pein stepped forward. "I'll tell her." Then he turned to Cinderpaw, "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you don't seem to have any chakra."

After a split second of silence, the resulting "WHAT!" could be heard throughout the hideout.

After Konan's ears stopped ringing, she bent down to Cinderpaw's level. "Don't worry, Cinderpaw. You don't have to be able to use chakra to be shinobi. Just look at Rock Lee. He sure doesn't need chakra at all."

That must have been the worst thing Konan could have said because Cinderpaw's fur stood up as if she'd been electrocuted. Then she arched her back and hissed angrily, "Do I look like Rock Lee to you? You'd get the same results if you put fertilizer on Justin Bieber's eyebrows for crying out loud! I can see the headlines that Kakuzu will make for a quick buck already!" Cinderpaw assumed the position of a news anchor. "This is just in. We have recently discovered that Bieber has a clone that is a female cat. At least that freak has chakra. He can't use it well, but he has it. Unlike me!" Then Cinderpaw bolted out of the room before anyone could catch her.

After running blindly through the hideout for a few minutes, Cinderpaw found herself in a huge room containing a really ugly statue. Then she curled up into a ball at the statue's base. "Great, now I'm a complete loser. I don't even have any dynamite!"

A soft voice came from the statue. "What's the matter, Cinderpaw?"

Without being shocked at all, Cinderpaw moaned, "Oh, Ugly Statue. I have no chakra and everyone is comparing me to Rock Lee. I used to be a well respected evil genius. Now I'm a loser." She buried her face between her paws.

Then a very loud and drunk sounding voice boomed, "Who the heck are you calling an ugly statue? Didn't anyone bother to tell you there are seven demons in here?"

After fluffing up in surprise and looking like a gray bush, Cinderpaw mewed, "No. Tobi is too cheerful to mention demons even when he has nightmares and I haven't been part of the Akatsuki long enough to know much about it."

After a loud hiss and the sound of something being smacked pretty hard, the soft voice returned, "Sorry about that. Shukaku really doesn't know how to treat she-cats such as ourselves. We could help you if you want. We could even-" a mumble in the background is heard. "Shut up Shukaku!"

Cinderpaw couldn't help chuckling. Hearing someone besides her get abused almost always cheered her up. "What did he say?"

"Don't mind him. He's a pervert. I was going to say we could transfer a little of out chakra to you. On the plus side, you become super powerful. On the minus side, It may sting a little and we may affect you're personality every once in a while. Do we have a deal?"

"You had me at the word powerful. Sign me up!"

"Now hold still and try not to scream." A stream of chakra poured from the statues mouth into Cinderpaw's. Cinderpaw was out cold before screaming bloody murder ever crossed her mind.

After a few hours, Cinderpaw woke up feeling like she'd been through one of Tobi's more energetic play sessions. The only difference was her whole body was tingling like crazy. Cinderpaw ran all over the hideout until she barreled into Pein and Konan. "Test me again!"

Though both Konan and Pein thought Cinderpaw still wouldn't show any signs of having any chakra, they decided to humor her. It took only a second or two for the paper to react. This time, it reacted differently in seven spots. One was ripped, another burst into flames, the next was soaked, one part had a small volcano come out of it and erupt, another got a small layer of mist above it, another had tons of bubbles come out of it, and the last one had sparks fly out of it. It almost seemed like the paper was having a party for Cinderpaw. After bringing Cinderpaw into the Akatsuki's meeting room and summoning all of the Akatsuki, Pein announced Cinderpaw's status as a ninja cat and gave her a collar with a pattern similar to the one on the cloaks of the Akatsuki.

After a group hug during which almost nobody got enough oxygen, Tobi set up a party in the Akatsuki's backyard for his cat. After Kakuzu hung a bunch of streamers on the trees and everyone else inflated balloons, everyone in the Akatsuki congratulated Cinderpaw. About midway through the party, Sandy showed up carrying a cake made entirely out of tuna with a little gravy on it for Cinderpaw. It's a good thing it wasn't too huge otherwise Cinderpaw would have gotten some nasty indigestion after finishing it of in only a minute. After Konan asked Sandy why she had come without Sake, Sandy laughed and replied, "Well I had to get Cinderpaw something special, but Sake gets a little insane around tuna. The last thing we need here is a ninja cat fight. I always love spoiling cats and I'm not letting one tiny issue get in my way. Sake is probably enjoying a nice big cat nap right now anyway."

As happy as Cinderpaw was, she still had a few plans. Now that she was a ninja, it was time to claim her territory. She doubted too many cats lived too close by, but she still wanted to make sure they knew who the boss was. Besides, every evil genius needs a few henchmen.

Author's note: I really hope I didn't offend any Justin Bieber fans too badly, but I couldn't resist making fun of him a little. Now Cinderpaw only has one more chapter in the spotlight before we find out what Sandy's plan is.


	12. Cat Fight

Author's note: This is probably the last time I'll be able to update this before school starts on Monday, but you never know.

Cat Fight

After learning how to control chakra and a few minor jutsu, Cinderpaw decided it was high time she claimed some territory for herself. The first few days went smoothly for her. She would head out to mark a section of the land by the hideout at night and bring back a few dead animals in the morning. She didn't like the fact that Pein and Konan had different partners follow her every night, but nobody wanted to have another incident similar to what happened to Tobi II. It was only after Cinderpaw began venturing closer to the Sand Village that things started getting a little crazy.

The trips started out peaceful enough. The desert was nice and cool at night and there was still plenty of prey. Cinderpaw enjoyed the challenge of having fewer animals to hunt than usual and she wasn't crazy enough to mess with anything too dangerous, so nobody minded her nightly trips there. Cinderpaw had only smelled Sake's scent a few times, but no other cats seemed to live nearby. That changed quickly and the results weren't too good for anyone involved.

Cinderpaw had been stalking her first mouse of the night. Hiding behind a cactus, she watched in anticipation as the rodent tried to find its own food. Once it seemed the mouse wasn't paying any attention, Cinderpaw pounced. She flew through the air with her claws outstretched. Expecting to feel flesh tearing beneath her claws, all she got was a head-on collision with another cat in midair. The squeak of a terrified mouse could be heard as Cinderpaw's prey scrambled out of sight. After puffing herself up, Cinderpaw angrily hissed, "Watch where you're going you stupid furball! It's bad enough you scared away my prey, but you're on my territory too. What the heck is wrong with y- Whoa.

After finally looking at the cat who had collided with her, Cinderpaw's jaw dropped. He certainly wasn't you're average cat. He looked far too muscular to be a housecat, yet he looked too well groomed to be feral. His light brown coat shimmered in the moonlight. His big blue eyes showed not fear, but genuine concern. The fact that he had two large rings around them that appeared to be really unusual birthmarks just made them stand out even more. "Are you alright?" His voice made him sound attractive even when he spoke such a small question. Cinderpaw didn't know if Shukaku was messing with her head since the full moon hadn't been too long ago, but she didn't care. This was one hot cat.

"I'm alright. Who are you anyway?"

The muscular tom purred. "My name is Lightningclaw. Before you ask, I was never one of those feral warrior cats. Sandy bought me for Gaara as a present, so now I'm a ninja cat in training. I only know taijutsu right now and Sandy's cat, Sake, keeps stalking me, but life is good. And who are you?"

Cinderpaw was angry at herself for not noticing the tom earlier, but now she was just too happy to meet him to beat herself up. "I'm Cinderpaw. I belong to Tobi of the Akatsuki. I am a full fledged ninja cat and an evil genius. Not to mention I'm single."

Lightningclaw tried not to be too obvious concerning how much he liked Cinderpaw already. Not only was she a ninja, but she was tough. It felt good to know not all females were as crazy as Sake. "Nice to meet you. I have to go and train for a while, but I could free up my schedule for you tomorrow night. How about we meet up at twilight tomorrow here?"

"It's a date. See you then." The two cats then went their separate ways for the night. Cinderpaw couldn't wait for tomorrow any more than she understood why she was in love. And with the kazekage's pet no less. How could an evil genius such as herself be attracted to anyone anyway?

The two cats started dating frequently within the month that they first met. Sometimes they would hunt together and other times they would train together. But Cinderpaw loved watching the sunset with Lightningclaw the most. It wasn't just because deserts always have the best sunsets either. She loved the way they would sit next to each other on a dune as the sun rose. Sometimes their tails would touch when they got close enough. If the mood was extra romantic, they would even purr and rub each other. The pairs of Akatsuki members who watched them referred to them as Romeo and Juliet when they went to watch them since the relationship seemed destined to fail. All the same, they always watched the pair as if they were part of a romantic movie. It's a wonder the Akatsuki could afford enough tissues with everyone so emotional over the whole affair. It was only a matter of time before the star-crossed lovers would have to split up.

The pair wouldn't realize the horrible truth until the next full moon. Lightningclaw had taken Cinderpaw to one of the Sand Village's alleys to meet some of his friends. They partied until Lightningclaw's friends had to go back to their owners since their owners were just returning from a mission. The couple stayed in the alley as they simply let themselves relax. That is, they were relaxed until an earsplitting yowl shattered the peace, "What are you doing with my boyfriend?" They had been spotted by none other than Sake herself.

Now Cinderpaw was furious. "YOUR boyfriend? He's mine!" She unsheathed her claws, arched her back, and growled at the intruder.

With a screech, Sake jumped and landed on Cinderpaw. As Lightningclaw backed into a wall to avoid the fight, the two females wrestled. They screeched, clawed, and bit each other until the alley was soaked in blood. After pushing themselves apart and healing their wounds, the real fight began. Cinderpaw sent gusts of wind at Sake as well as a few fireballs for good measure while Sake dodged them and countered with a flash of lightning. The two cats kept blasting jutsu at each other for quite some time. Finally, Cinderpaw pinned Sake down after distracting her with some bubbles. Just as it looked as if Cinderpaw had won, Sake inhaled deeply before letting out a mighty yowl. The force of the chakra enhanced sound waves was so powerful that it sent Cinderpaw flying into the wall. Sake then began battering the shocked Cinderpaw. Then all three of the cats in the alley were half scared to death when a very angry sounding ninja screamed, "What's going on here?"

Sandy sure didn't look like she wanted to deal with anything at the moments. Despite looking half asleep in a pair of pajamas, she was giving the cats a death glare that could make even Orochimaru cower. Thankfully for the cats, Sasori and Deidara hadn't been too far away. They had been visiting the local cemetery when they heard the fight and though they hadn't seen any of it, Sandy's appearance sure didn't inspire confidence. Seeing Cinderpaw getting glared at, Sasori decided a sacrifice would have to be made. After praying he would live, Sasori grabbed Deidara using his puppet's tail. Despite the man's terrified protest, threats, and begging, Sasori launched him into Sandy line of sight.

The resulting chases were a mess. Lightningclaw ran to a dark alley a few blocks away, Sandy chased Deidara through the streets, and Sake chased Cinderpaw over a few buildings. Luckily for Cinderpaw, Lightningclaw dragged her into his hiding spot when Sake wasn't looking. After the sounds of a very gay sounding gay being tortured echoed through the village, the sound of a can opener rang out loud and clear. After Sake ran off after the noise, Sandy strolled up to the couple. "It's alright, cats. I won't hurt you."

Both cats suspiciously peeked out of the hole that they had decided to hide in. Then they cautiously stepped out into the open and Cinderpaw warily asked, "You aren't going to punish us?"

Sandy just laughed loud and hard for a few minutes. After catching her breath, she explained, "I would never beat up cats. Besides, I've had to fight off other girls myself, so I know how you feel. You'll find Deidara in a trash can outside the Akatsuki hideout by the way. He's not dead since he must be alive for me to torture him."

Cinderpaw looked relieved. Then a sad thought crept up on her. "I won't be able to meet up with Lightningclaw again will I?"

Sandy sighed and gave her a pitying look. "I'm afraid not. You see, Sake's original boyfriend is currently sealed somewhere and Lightningclaw is as close to him as she can get right now. You can have Lightningclaw if Sake ever finds another boyfriend, but now is not that time. Sorry."

Poor Cinderpaw looked awful. Lightningclaw finally had the courage to speak up though. "Don't worry, Cinderpaw. I'm sure that ranting maniac will find someone else someday." Then he hopped onto Sandy's shoulder and they left.

Sasori helped Cinderpaw cope with her grief, but she still missed Lightningclaw. She was happy that Sandy seemed cool enough to talk to now and again, but it just wasn't the same. Little did anyone besides Deidara suspect how truly insane Sandy could get.

Author's note: Now to get on to the next arc that will last around ten chapters and a little challenge for my reviewers next chapter. I don't usually write anything romance related, so I hope this was still good.


	13. Sucked into a Videogame

Author's note: School may be loading me up with homework quickly this year, but it's not too bad yet. I think once a month sounds like a good quota for this update wise as of now and I'll put a note on my profile if that changes. Lastly, this has a reference or two in it and I'll mention those at the end to clear all but one of them up.

Sucked into a Videogame

Sandy had finally finished tweaking her project. Now all she had to do was put it where the Akatsuki could see it. Covering it in wrapping paper so it wouldn't look to suspicious and addressing it to Tobi, she put it right by the Akatsuki's doorstep. Then she went home waiting for the real fun to begin.

A few hours later, Pein almost tripped over the project as he went out to make sure Tobi wasn't back from the pet store yet. He figured Tobi would take a while buying some more toys for Cinderpaw and harassing (playing in Tobi's mind) the kittens there, but one could never be too careful. Seeing the small present, he carried it inside for inspection. After shredding the wrapping paper like an over excited five year old, he noticed what looked like a new Pokémon game. Though Pokémon Gray Version sounded like a boring title, the rating of T surprised the heck out of him. Who ever heard of a Pokémon game rated for mild language, cartoon violence, alcohol use, and Tobi is a good boy anyway? At first he wanted to go beat Sandy in the head for motivating Tobi to annoy everyone again since the rest was predictable with Hidan involved anyway, but then he realized what it could really mean. Since Pokémon are technically called Pocket Monsters somewhere, couldn't he find a way to utilize their power to capture the last two tailed beasts? Upon making that false assumption, Pein practically skipped into the Akatsuki's meeting room.

After calling everyone to a meeting, Pein announced his rather stupid plan. "We're going to tap into this game, drag out a few legendaries, and use them to finally catch Killer Bee and Naruto!" Though everyone else thought Pokémon would be too weak and tiny compared to the tailed beasts to do much good, nobody wanted to burst Pein's bubble. After plugging a 3DS with the game in it into the giant ugly statue, Pein turned the game on. Pein's plan looked like it would work as a huge portal opened from inside the game. That is, it looked good until the portal sucked Cinderpaw, the rest of the Akatsuki, and the statue into the 3DS. After the screaming and the portal faded, the 3DS fell to the ground after oddly turning itself off.

Pein wasn't sure what scared him the most, the rest of the Akatsuki glaring at him, seven human sized demons getting ready to beat him to death, or both Sandy and a humanoid Sake giving him a really smug look. Just when he was about ready to knock himself out so he wouldn't feel any pain, Sandy spoke, "I see you idiots fell into my trap. My club worked pretty damn hard to get this put together. In case you haven't heard about us by now, we are the Fangirls Uniting Nations or F.U.N. for short."

Before Sandy's rant could really kick off, Kisame interrupted her. "You know that's not what fun is about." Then he started singing and embarrassing everyone. "F is for friends who do stuff together. U is for you and me. N is for anywhere and any time at all down here in the deep blue sea!"

Then Deidara had to sound even worse. "No, that's the old version. Everyone knows F is for fire that burns down the whole town. U is for uranium bombs. N is for no survivors when you-"

"Shove some dynamite down Deidara's throat and light the fuse!" After an awkward moment of Deidara backing away really slowly, Sandy continued. "Serves you right for stealing the spotlight. Anyway-"

Sake finally spotted a slightly terrified looking Shukaku. "Hi, Shukaku-kun! Did you miss me?"

Then Nibi screamed, "Keep your filthy paws away from him!"

Cinderpaw then yowled, "So stealing one guy isn't enough for you?"

Meanwhile, poor Shukaku joined Deidara in cowering like an abused puppy. The three cats all unsheathed their claws and started hissing and growling like crazy. Nibi made it even worse since despite being much smaller than usual, she rose the room's temperature by at least ten degrees. By then, Sandy had pretty much had it. Giving everyone except for the cats a warning sign, she took a huge megaphone out of her pocket, held it up high, and… started grinding a can opener into it. All three cats immediately shut up, sat down, and started drooling. Despite feeling like she was in a sauna, Sandy still remained calm. "You should be ashamed of yourselves! Cinderpaw, you're an evil genius, so act like one. Nibi, you can have Shukaku to yourself once you're both back in that ugly statue. Sake, what will it take for you to shut up?" Now Sandy was glaring at Sake pretty hard.

In response, Sake started using the dreaded cute look. "You know he's mine. And using the can opener was going too far."

"What do you want then?" After examining a huge contract Sake handed her, Sandy groaned. "Fine. You'll find all you need in room 19C. Just don't bother anyone while you're there." Sake grinned victoriously and vanished in a cloud of pixels. "Now where was I? Oh yes, the plan. You're all going to be Pokémon in the game. You will look like yourselves, but Tobi has to catch you and you will all have move sets. You will only be back in the real world once Tobi catches all of you and beats the game. You will be provided will water until Tobi catches you and you can eat any berries you find or Pokémon you catch so long as Tobi doesn't see that. Though you will see the menus and health meters in the game, your fights will be anime style. Any questions?"

Pein finally found enough courage to speak up. "If you do hate us as much as this makes you seem to, why haven't you tried to kill us?"

"Rule one in The Torture Handbook states you must be alive to suffer as much as possible. Cinderpaw could have told you that. Plus, I only hate some of you. The tailed beasts needed a little freedom and the Akatsuki members I like are pretty necessary for the rest of you to live. Don't worry, I'll make sure Tobi is okay. He's being taken care of by some of my assistants until we can get something arranged for him. I'll just tell him you guys will be on a trip and wanted to make sure he's alright while you're gone."

"So you're not giving us much advice on how to survive with those creatures or anything?"

Sandy rolled her eyes. "They're Pokémon. Most of them aren't strong enough to do much to you and the ones that could kill you won't be involved. Stick to your habitats so you can survive. I suppose there is one last thing. Keep hope alive*." With that, Sandy vanished and everyone else was teleported to their habitats.

When Tobi finally returned to the hideout with a bag full of cat toys, he got super excited when he saw the game. Sandy and Sake were there too, but he was too happy to notice the hideout was pretty empty. Sandy helped him realize that. "Come on, Tobi. The others went on a trip and won't be back for a long time, so we're going to really have some fun together for a while." Tobi followed Sandy all the way to her own hideout. Judging from a lingering smell, it used to be a ninja pet store, but now it had been converted into a laboratory. Sandy left Tobi in a room on the top floor across from her own to let him relax. Tobi might as well have been in heaven considering there was a plate of cookies, a juice box, and a huge bean bag chair already set up in a perfect position for some serious videogame time. After grabbing a still warm chocolate chip cookie and getting cozy in the beanbag chair, Tobi turned on his game. After seeing an awesome looking title screen with Cinderpaw on it, Tobi pressed start.

Author's note: I don't own Pokémon, Spongebob, or the source of the quote with the asterisk. You're probably wondering what the asterisk is doing here. Well, it's part of a contest. The first person to give me the first and last name of the person who said the quote gets a secret prize which I will tell them about. Only one guess per review. I'll give you guys a new hint each chapter. The hints won't necessarily get bigger though. You first hint is the quote was said by a guy who has been on a reality show multiple times.


	14. Put a Brock in it!

Author's note: It looks like homework is going to be murder this year. At least I have a few ideas for a Lion King fic or two now.

Put a Brock in it!

After Tobi wondered how his dead mother ended up in his new game, he immediately headed for Professor Oak's lab. Once he entered, it looked more like a disaster zone than a lab to him. Assistants were running in circles trying to clean up a scattered mess of Poké Balls, a ton of shredded papers, and apparently a fire was starting too. Tobi ended up being more confused than usual as he noticed Sandy doubled up laughing her head off with Sake smiling evilly beside her until he also noticed the situation in the middle of the chaos. Poor Professor Oak was trying to get Cinderpaw into her ball, but he obviously was failing since his hands were bleeding from multiple bite marks, his coat was almost burnt clean off, and Cinderpaw was hissing her brains out at him. After catching her breath for a minute or two, Sandy finally put a stop to the torture session. "As much as I love seeing people get sliced to shreds, you'd better go with Tobi now, Cinderpaw."

Cinderpaw snarled, "Make me!" She stayed firmly attached to a now screaming Professor Oak's arm until she say what Sandy had started pulling out of her backpack. It was long, it was red, and it was ready to be lit. It was…

"DYNAMITE!" Cinderpaw screamed so hard that her throat felt like it had been burned. In one quick and well aimed leap, she catapulted herself at Tobi. "Take it away!"

Sake almost started choking with laughter until Sandy announced loud and clear, "At least she's not afraid of balloons!" After a brief glare-off, Sandy continued, "We still have to do the traditional start of game face off you know. Not that you have much of a chance right now, Sake."

The two annoyed cats assumed their usual fighting stances. Tobi was afraid Cinderpaw would get beaten badly, but apparently she already had a decent move set. Flamethrower and Razor Wind allowed her to beat Sake to a pulp within a few minutes. "Now you two can go," declared Sandy. If Sake hadn't been knocked out, Sandy probably would have been whined to death. At least the promise of future dynamite use as well as an awful pun would surely cheer her up later.

Tobi pranced through Route 1 fairly quickly. The fact that Cinderpaw has killed and eaten both birds and mice before really helped a lot there. One irritating delivery later, Tobi received his first 5 Poké Balls. After healing Cinderpaw with a potion, Tobi went back to Route 1 again.

This time around, the area seemed pretty empty. The reason for that became clear quickly as Tobi found a violently cursing Hidan whose dialogue is just a bunch of symbols since neither Sandy nor Tobi could stand any of what was streaming out of his sewage pipe of a mouth otherwise. Though Hidan and Cinderpaw seemed evenly matched at first, Cinderpaw surprised everyone by using Water Gun to weaken Hidan enough so that he could be captured.

After healing everyone and buying a few potions and Poké Balls in Viridian City, Tobi headed for Route 2. After Cinderpaw mercilessly murdered a handful of Nidoran, Tobi finally found his beloved partner. The battle started off awkwardly though since Sandy had apparently made the game list Deidara as a female. He just kept using Screech hoping the he would make Sandy deaf if she was listening, so he only took a minute to catch.

In the Viridian Forest, Cinderpaw squashed both wild and trained bug Pokémon. Everyone was bored to tears until the six-tailed slug, Rokubi, finally appeared. Cinderpaw had to keep biting it to get it weak enough to catch, so she was ready to throw up if the didn't reach a Pokémon center soon. Lucky for her, Pewter City was just a few seconds away by then.

After healing everyone yet again, Tobi went straight to Brock's gym. Brock could have easily talked everyone to death since his eyes were still heart shaped from 'hearing from a scary Gaara fangirl about a pretty lady' and he didn't stop his very long and pervy Jiraiya-ish rant until some sort of electric collar zapped whatever was left of his brains out. He should have saved everyone the trouble of listening to start with since Cinderpaw's Water Gun had him all washed up from the start. After a brief happy dancing moment, Tobi went to heal everyone in order to prepare for his next challenge.

Author's note: Thank goodness I'll have more to work with once Shukaku gets involved. At least I'm actually on schedule for once. Your new hint for the contest is the man who was quoted lives in Texas. Happy guessing!


	15. Water you waiting for?

Author's note: I've got some ideas for a new Lion King fic, but I don't think I'll start it until Thanksgiving break. Either way, this will still be my main focus.

Water you waiting for?

After finally leaving Pewter City, Tobi and his 'Pokémon' went to Route 3. Cinderpaw made various cracks about the trainers bugging her and needing to bug off since bug types seemed way too common in their teams. Everyone was absolutely exhausted by the time they reached the Pokémon Center on Route 4.

Even after being healed, everyone's lungs were about ready to explode with laughter after seeing a man trying to shove Kisame, Sanbi, and Gobi into extremely large fish bowls. The poor man eventually threw all three of them at Tobi after Kisame almost ripped his arm off. The unnamed man limped off to the nearest hospital grumbling about Magikarp being much tamer. Lucky Tobi didn't even have to buy any Poké Balls since the very obnoxious man had left behind all of his.

After many death threats involving Shamu, Jaws, and, for reasons no one wants to know, Nemo, Kisame finally shut everyone up and convinced Tobi to leave Hidan in the PC so they wouldn't have to hear him whining and cursing throughout Mt. Moon. Mt. Moon turned out to have an even worse maniac since everyone's favorite obese demon, Shukaku, had somehow dragged his lazy ass to Mt. Moon. Kisame was lucky he got Shukaku weak enough to catch and send to the PC quickly since Shukaku had been close to causing a cave in thanks to Hyper Beam.

Even more nut jobs seemed drawn to Mt. Moon since some members of Team Rocket showed up. Cinderpaw twitched every time they blasted one off due to the implied dynamite references made by Deidara, but everything else went smoothly until Tobi tried to leave Mt Moon. There must have been a freak festival going on that day since Jessie, James, and Meowth all tried to prevent him from leaving. It was more like Jessie and James tried to stop Tobi while Meowth started hitting on Cinderpaw until she hit him over the head with Samehada.

After Tobi gave Cinderpaw a very angry sounding lecture by his standards of being nice to fangirls and fanboys since they are probably suffering brain damage and hearing a loud exclamation of "I heard that!" from two aggravated females that were out of sight, everyone left Mt. Moon and entered Cerulean City. Cinderpaw let herself be carried by Tobi for once since even though she knew Water Gun, water still scared the heck her out on occasion. After everyone was healed yet again, Tobi went to the Cerulean City Gym.

Thankfully, Misty just had her usual 'I'm pathetic around bugs' moments from the anime upon seeing Rokubi before the battle started. Seeing a hungry looking cat defeat her Pokémon just by repeatedly biting them didn't help. After practically knocking Tobi out with the badge despite it being small, the Misty basically couldn't stop the waterworks even after her Pokémon were rushed to the Pokémon center. Poor oblivious Tobi was to busy happy dancing to care about Misty potentially losing her Pokémon to his cat after finally getting her bike repaired from a particularly cruel act from a psychopathic Gaara fangirl and her cat.

Author's note: Now for the next contest hint. The person who said the quote has been on Survivor. That should make him very easy to find for you guys by now.


	16. What a Shocker!

Author's note: This might be my last update for this until January thanks to exams and a vacation. That should give everyone plenty of time to finish the contest. The last clue (because any more hints would make this way too obvious) is that the person who said the quote has a nephew who is currently on Survivor.

What a Shocker!

After healing his Pokémon yet again, Tobi and his 'Pokémon' soon encountered Sandy. He didn't want to know why she looked especially deranged, but Sandy told him anyway.

"You have no idea how hard it is to find enough mistletoe to cover the kazekage mansion. That place is huge!" Sandy probably didn't care that she could easily get fake mistletoe instead, but it was obvious Sake cared a lot.

"You already put me through enough crap getting Gaara's present! Just ask him on a date or something already!" Sake was covered from nose to tail in mistletoe to the point where Cinderpaw was making jokes about her 'berry cute' outfit. Needless to say, Tobi was still as oblivious as a rock.

"PRESENTS? Tobi wants presents! What'd you get him?" Tobi was bouncing around like Naruto on a ramen rush just thinking about presents while Cinderpaw wanted to bang her head into any walls she could find.

The insane fangirl got even more hyper as she replied, "I got him a few secretaries to do all of his paperwork. I was going to give him presents from the 12 Days of Christmas song, but I thought that would be weird. That's my backup though!"

Sake rolled her eyes and growled, "They will quit too quickly you idiot! You've seen his paperwork! When he sees those ladies he'll throw a fit! You just had to find ugly ones so he wouldn't fall in love. He'll call the SAT, the ACT, the OWLS, The NEWTS, and the PTA all because of you!"

Tobi and his gang were all confused except for Cinderpaw. She was laughing with Sandy so hard that they were actually crying. As she gasped for breath, Sandy managed to choke out, "You need to brush up on your acronyms. Besides, Gaara has enough to deal with without all of that paperwork." Finally regaining her composure Sandy challenged Tobi to battle. Sake was too steamed to fight well and her other Pokémon were all Zigzagoons which were easy enough to beat. Tobi bet she had thousands of them due to her 'mad fangirl disease'.

As Sandy rushed off to kazekage-knows-where, Tobi quickly conquered the Nugget Bridge and healed everyone afterwards. After thrashing many trainers and crushing there hopes and dreams while staying as happy as every, Tobi found Bill's cottage. Apparently Sandy had changed his name from just Bill to Bill Nye the Science Guy, but everything else seemed like the source game. Tobi got a ticket for the S. for helping him fix a rather embarrassing mishap that had turned Bill into a Slowpoke.

Tobi backtracked to Cerulean City, healed everyone again, beat up a Team Rocket member, and headed to Route 5. He had to walk a long way from there to Vermillion City after thrashing still more trainers. For a reason nobody knows, a tree was directly in front of the gym so Tobi couldn't enter it yet. Tobi was too confused by that for his own good.

Tobi decided to check out the S. to relax his poor brain since it wasn't used to so much thinking going on at once. He didn't bother seeking to battle anyone and even Sandy seemed not to want to battle anyway. She was too busy harassing everyone on the ship about where to find mistletoe. The poor captain was not ignored and he was lucky to escape with his hearing. He was so relieved to see a 'normal' person like Tobi that he gave him the HM Cut.

Tobi ran all the way back to Vermillion City and borrowed a very creeped out person's Oddish so that he could teach it Cut and enter the Gym. Tobi easily reached Lt. Surge by finding a switch, saving, and resetting until her found the second one. This gave everyone headaches, but they wanted to go home so much they didn't care. To Tobi's delight, Lt. Surge's only Pokémon was a Raichu. To his misfortune, Sandy must have been there first.

"Volkner told me all about you. You must be that annoying weirdo Tobi! Volkner didn't look quite like himself and he had a maniac and a crazy cat with him, but I can tell he told the truth." Lt. Surge clearly hadn't been told about Shukaku's capture as his Raichu was defeated quickly by his Sand Tomb attack. Tobi considered buying a helmet as yet another badge was hurled at him. Pokémon weren't used to being crippled and though he would have burst into tears if the sand hadn't been hiding the nearly dead Raichu from view, Tobi did another happy dance as Lt. Surge exhibited his inner Misty as he nearly flooded the Pokémon Center.

Author's note: I know I skipped a few parts of the game, but they're optional. I'd rather spend my time preparing for my other ideas than boring you guys to tears.


	17. Green with Envy

Author's note: Hopefully I'll manage to squeeze in an extra update this month, but I can't make any promises right now. I know I'll be writing plenty, but I don't know if it will be for this at the moment. I have too many ideas to juggle at the moment.

Green with Envy

Tobi headed back to Cerulean City after healing his team again since he had to go to Route 9. Cinderpaw shredded many Pokémon and made many trainers burst into tears before Tobi found Kakuzu. Cinderpaw mistook his strings for yarn, so Kakuzu ended up tied into quite a few uncomfortable positions before he was finally captured and sent to the PC. Aside from some snickers at how pathetic Kakuzu was coming from Hidan, nothing overly interesting happened on the journey to the Rock Tunnel.

Cinderpaw's Water Gun helped Tobi reach Lavender Town quickly. After briefly considering turning Kanto into one giant water park and visiting a grave which apparently contained Sandy's dignity and Sake's sanity, Tobi healed everyone. Wishing he had a medic ninja with him so that he wouldn't have to see nearly identical nurses so much, Tobi started strolling on Route 8.

Tobi let Shukaku bury some of the trainers since he thought they were only playing dead to amuse the demon and Shukaku knew they wouldn't have to go far to be buried anyway. Shukaku gleefully slaughtered dozens of helpless Pokémon as Tobi obliviously enjoyed himself, he started acting like his usual drunk sounding self again, and Cinderpaw ate popcorn until a familiar flaming cat reappeared. Nibi's Shadow Claw had Shukaku beat within a minute, but Cinderpaw was still the superior cat in terms of fighting. Nibi put up a good fight, but her weakness to water was her downfall. She happily remembered lighting multiple Team Rocket members on fire as she was sent to the PC.

Route 7 seemed like a cakewalk after that and Tobi son reached Celadon City. After he was healed, nobody dared to make fun of Shukaku as he was clearly ready to shred them all, eat their remains, and then proceed to get heavily drunk. Ignoring the giant Poké Mart, Tobi dashed straight to the Game Corner. Everyone was surprised to see a very hyper Sandy and an emo looking Sake playing on the slots.

After a minute, Sandy started her usual yapping. "Gaara couldn't be at the village for Christmas since he was visiting Naruto and he won't be back until his birthday. I'm trying to get enough stuff to make his birthday awesome and I already have a huge ring ready. He left me a cute tanuki statue for Christmas which reminds me of something." Sandy pulled out a large bottle of sake that was not filled with her cat and handed it to Shukaku. "There's your payment. You have no idea how hard it is to get that stuff when you're underage. The barrels filled with the rest will have to wait since I couldn't manage to program them in." Shukaku blushed and drank as Tobi flashed him a strangely nasty look.

Sake was even angrier. "Sure, when your future mate is involved no expenses are spared, but your best friend gets the short end of the stick!" With tears in her eyes she yowled, "Once he realizes how horrible life near you is, he'll wish he had anyone near him besides you. Even that transsexual freak will seem wonderful!" Deidara sneezed explosively as Sake stormed out and left everyone gaping.

Sandy sighed and gave Tobi an apologetic look. "Sorry you had to see that. She's still mad about not getting a miniature ship to play in. She was better when I explained I couldn't find one, but Lightningclaw broke up with her on New Year's Eve and now she's lost it again. I better run after her before she gets suicidal again!" Sandy sprinted after Sake leaving thoughts of a suicidal cat in everyone's minds. Even Cinderpaw looked upset before she hid her face to save her reputation.

Tobi found Team Rocket's hideout and made short work of it to get the Silph Scope. He went to the Celadon City Gym to challenge Erika after healing everybody of their physical wounds though they all remained disturbed from Sake's outburst. Erika must have heard the commotion as she seemed disturbed herself. Cinderpaw defeated her Pokémon easily by using Flamethrower, but she did not get them close to death this time as she's seen enough drama that day. Tobi didn't even bother with his usual happy dance. He was too worried to be as happy as usual.

Author's note: I'll try to update this later this month so that I don't leave you waiting too long. I've been ready to write like crazy for a while now and both this and my other stories will be getting more attention if possible.


	18. More Ninjas

Author's note: My schedule got pretty crazy thanks to language class, but I've been able to plan a lot for this story. I'm just happy that FrankandJoe3 won the contest. For those of you who were wondering, the correct answer was Russell Hantz.

More Ninjas

After healing everyone, Tobi went to the Pokémon Tower. Most of the people there were sad, but Sandy seemed to be happier than usual. Judging from her huge grin, Tobi believed she had reached the next stage of mad fan girl disease and had become contagious. Try as he might, Tobi could not run or hide from the maniac.

Sandy practically hugged Tobi to death before starting an epic fangirl moment, "It's finally going to happen Tobi! I got Sake to drop a few hints and Gaara seems to be getting the idea!" Seeing everyone's confused and in some cases disturbed expressions she explained, "You'd be surprised how far a little bribing to go with that cat! I even got to launch the GPS!" By this point Tobi was really confused and Cinderpaw, who thought she knew what GPS stood for, was equally puzzled. "That means Gaara Positioning System! Anyway, we'd better get this battle over with. I've got some plans to initiate!"

Sandy had finally gotten serious with her party. Besides four deer like Pokémon whom she had nicknamed Athos, Porthos, Aramis, and D'Artagnan for no apparent reason, she also used a Lucario and the always adorable Mew. The legendary deer seemed quite annoyed by the nicknames and they really wanted the fight to be over quickly, but only Deidara and Shukaku fainted because of them. Lucario nearly made Cinderpaw faint, but she managed to hit him full in the face with her Flamethrower to knock him out. Mew would have won if it was possible to kill with cuteness. Its cuteness was powerful enough to make Cinderpaw hesitate before beating it, so everyone knew Sandy had broken out the heavy artillery this time.

Only after winning did Tobi realize Sake hadn't fought or even appeared at all. He was about ready to cry like Misty until Sandy's cell phone distracted everyone with a load Japanese ringtone. Sandy blushed and muttered, "I knew I shouldn't have programmed that theme" before answering. "Yeah Sake, I'm coming. I had to battle Tobi. Yes, I know your seafood dinner starts in fifteen minutes. Of course I know I owe you! I'm about to teleport back now for crying out loud!" Closing the phone Sandy gave Tobi a quick wave goodbye before disappearing in a cloud of pixels.

After Deidara was about ready to 'blow a gasket' and explode the whole game and Kakuzu almost fainted at the thought of the money Sandy must have to invent a teleporter that could work so well, Tobi quickly calmed them down by saying they could try out for a reality show to try and get a ton of money once they got home. Tobi finally entered the Pokémon Tower after he visited Nurse Joy again despite wanting to call her Nurse Misery since he had to see her so much.

Deidara was soon fuming again as he had to hold Tobi's hand throughout the whole tower. He had just conquered his fear of the dark not too long ago; ghosts were a challenge that would have been best left to another day. The Marowak's ghost couldn't have made Tobi much more terrified. Shukaku briefly mentioned something about a woman named Karura before they laid the ghost to rest. After a voice that sounded like Sasori's screamed for Shukaku to shut up, Tobi nearly wet his pants. Sasori didn't appear to be in the area at all. He had either used a jutsu to communicate with them somehow or Sandy was messing with them.

A certain annoying trio had apparently heard the voice too as they could be seen screaming off again. Tobi eventually found an old man who took him to his house and gave him a flute. Routes 16, 17, and 18 proved to be a nice break for Tobi as he absolutely loved bike riding. Sandy had apparently shoved a bike in his backpack beforehand. Though the Akatsuki were glad to travel quicker, the tenth minute of one very long "WHEEEEE!" from Tobi started to make them all want to kill themselves. All except Tobi obviously, he was having a blast. Routes 12 through 15 quickly returned the mood to normal as Tobi had to focus more on beating tons of trainers again.

Everyone was dragging their feet by the time they reached Fuchsia City. After healing everyone and considering how many clones Nurse Joy must need to use every day, Tobi ran to the gym. The gym's semi-invisible walls drove everyone nuts as typical Tobi kept ramming into them. After guaranteeing a few nasty bumps on his head in the morning, Tobi finally reached Koga. The man must have been the strong silent type; he was the only person besides Tobi not laughing at Tobi's stupidity. His method of poisoning Pokémon also reminded him of Sasori. Tobi made quick work of him because he wanted to get to his favorite part of Pokémon: The Safari Zone!


	19. Psychic or Psychotic?

**Author's Note: I won't be able to update for most of spring break, but I still might be able to update later this month as long as I don't get any more projects. On a side note, Cinderpaw's creator has quit the site now, so I won't be getting new ideas from her anytime soon. At least I'm finally finding some more really good ideas now!**

Psychic or Psychotic?

After healing his Pokémon for what he felt must have been the millionth time, Tobi finally headed into the Safari Zone! It looked like he wasn't the first one there though. It looked like someone had mass murdered most of the Pokémon there. Tobi was too shocked to cry as he saw a deranged looking Pein and a horrified Konan standing amidst piles of Pokémon carcasses. Before Tobi could scream at him about killing so many Pokémon, Pein growled, "Just throw the balls already!" Finally noticing his leader might snap again, Tobi captured Pein and Konan.

The rest of the Safari Zone also was full of dead Pokémon. Finding some old man's golden teeth in exchange for the HM Strength was almost equally disturbing. By the end of the trip, Konan was scheduling some anger management classes for Pein. Apparently cute, cuddly Pokémon made him lose his temper WAY too easily. Though Pein and Konan would have been powerful additions to his team, Tobi quickly stashed them in his PC. He had enough bickering to deal with whenever Sake and Cinderpaw got close to each other.

Tobi was more than a little creeped out when all he had to do to gain access to Celadon City was to give a guard some water. Most of the guards he knew never accepted bribes and the ones that did would have asked for something outrageous! It's not like the guard was from the Sand Village either. At least he didn't have to go to the Pokémon center yet, so he could go straight to the Silph Co. building.

Considering how many Rockets Tobi sent blasting off, it might as well have been the 4th of July! By the time he reached Sandy, even Cinderpaw was getting sick of thrashing Pokémon. Thankfully, Sandy appeared to be leaving already. Sake was screaming at her to battle Tobi, but Sandy dragged her off anyway as she hastily said something about being late already. Tobi groaned as he eventually found Jessie and James, but his luck seemed to be holding. Sandy must have trampled them on her way out and Sake had apparently giving Meowth the beating of a lifetime because he was moping in a corner and whimpering about girls never liking him.

Giovanni was looking really ticked about 'some crazy woman on steroids with a chubby cat'. Cinderpaw let him off with just getting his Pokémon knocked out the old fashioned way because she was laughing to hard to torture anyone. The president gave Tobi a Master Ball before he left, but that wasn't his smartest move since Tobi almost broke his back in one huge hug.

Tobi was still acting like Naruto would have if someone had given him a year's supply of ramen when he entered the gym. Upon reaching Sabrina, Sandy had apparently come back from whatever she was doing. While Sake had custom earplugs shoved into her ears, Sandy was yapping at Sabrina in all of the glory of a hyper fangirl. She sure as heck wasn't going to shut up just because Sabrina was busy. She was already in the middle of a long rant that got to the point where she was beating Tobi's sugar high talking speed record when Tobi walked in and Sabrina mouthed, "Help me," when she wasn't looking. She purposefully made her powerful Pokémon loose quickly so that by the time Sandy was nearly yelling, "He kissed me!" Tobi had won. Tobi tossed what looked like some of Gaara's hair into a nearby teleporter to get Sandy to leave. Sabrina and Tobi were both overjoyed at the departure of the insane fangirl. Now Tobi could finally get ready to learn how to Surf on the way to Cinnabar Island!


	20. Hot Headed

**Author's Note: Sorry I haven't updated lately, but I've had a lot to deal with for a while. I have tons of ideas for this for a while yet, but I still have exams to worry about. I'll at least try to post a one-shot or something if my schedule gets overly intense again.**

Hot Headed

After being bribed with the promise of a trip to SeaWorld, Kisame finally agreed to let Tobi ride on him since Tobi didn't know how to swim yet. It took Kisame all of two minutes to regret his decision since Tobi kept trying to use him as a surfboard. Not only would Kisame need a chiropractor later, but he would also have to hear about how much more uncomfortable than an inner tube he was for the duration of the trip. Kisame eventually threatened to eat Tobi's toes if he didn't stop trying to hang ten right in front of his nose.

Tobi made sure to stop at the Seafoam Islands since Kisame was getting really cranky. The group forced the Articuno to make them snow cones before they left since everyone was getting roasted in the heat. The group then decided to put on some sun block before they ended up looking like a ton of Killer Bee clones. After Tobi got to surf on Kisame some more, the group finally reached Cinnabar Island.

After Tobi got off of his back, Kisame leapt out of the water and immediately started kissing the sand. As if his life couldn't get any worse, a huge flash indicated someone had gotten Kisame's picture. Before Kisame could recover from the flash, Sandy quickly ran to the Pokémon Center so she could post the picture all over the internet.

After Cinderpaw screamed at Kisame to grow a sea cucumber and quit mourning his dignity, Tobi dragged everyone to the Pokémon Mansion before things could get worse. Tobi quickly found Itachi who predictably couldn't land a single hit before he was caught. Yonbi didn't take long to catch either thanks to Cinderpaw's Water Gun. Tobi eventually found the key to the gym and went to challenge it after having to listen to about fifty remarks about him usually being the one to lose keys.

Most of the group groaned when they discovered the gym involved Tobi answering quiz questions, Kisame burst into tears, and Deidara prepared to blow his own head of. All of them were surprised when Tobi somehow answered all of the questions correctly. After Deidara asked Tobi how he could get so many questions right when he'd almost eaten his explosive clay against his orders dozens of times, Tobi just said he could remember anything Pokémon related easily. For once, sending Cinderpaw out probably saved the lives of Blaine's Pokémon instead of sending out Deidara. They all got away with being soaked instead of being on the receiving end of Deidara's art. Tobi had to do his victory dance while running to the Pokémon Center to avoid being blown up himself.


	21. Unearthly Insanity

**Author's Note: This is the last chapter to be entirely based on Yellow Version, so maybe this will finally get easier to write soon. I will be on vacation for about 2 weeks starting Saturday, but I still might be able to use the Internet for part of that time. This chapter will be pretty short, but the next one should be MUCH longer.**

Unearthly Insanity

Still grumbling about Tobi's stupidity, Deidara was forced to fly the group all the way to Viridian City. Since everyone knew the last Gym was just minutes away, nobody bothered to complain too loudly. Everyone would be much happier after they had beaten the Pokémon League and could return home.

Expecting something actually exciting to happen, everyone jumped at the slightest noise. Someone seemed to be catching on as rather large explosions of giggles erupted from a bush near the area where Tobi apparently kept hearing twigs snapping. Cinderpaw eventually got so sick of the useless tension that she dragged Tobi all the way through the Gym to Giovanni.

Everyone, including Giovanni, was extremely annoyed by a nearly hysterical Sandy who appeared to be watching a video of the Akatsuki's jumpy approach to the Gym repeatedly on a laptop. Cinderpaw was more irritated than most due to the fact that Sake could clearly be seen snapping twigs in time to some over used music as she attempted to keep herself from cracking up behind the aforementioned bush.

Tobi and Giovanni each attempted to start the battle multiple times, but they kept getting interrupted by even more laughter. Eventually, they ended up laying Go Fish for half an hour while Kisame supplied the Jeopardy theme with his iPod. The only change in Sandy's behavior in all that time was the occasional click over to a web search full of Gaara pictures which produced disturbing noises even louder than her laughter if that's even possible. Cinderpaw eventually nipped Tobi's toes to get his attention when she noticed that Shukaku had wandered to Sandy's laptop. The two of them were in one heated debate over some woman in one of the images. When Deidara noticed, he nearly screamed at Tobi to get Sandy to get her laptop out of there before Sasori came and started killing people for mentioning THAT woman.

Confused, Tobi briefly tried just asking Sandy to leave. As that obviously had no effect on the maniac, he eventually yelled out something about seeing Gaara outside. Predictably, Sandy bolted out of the Gym with her laptop in mere seconds. This apparently aggravated Shukaku as he literally sliced all of Giovanni's Pokémon in half. Unlike the other pathetic Gym leaders, Giovanni didn't shed a since tear over his massacred Pokémon and instead handed Tobi his last badge as well as his official evil mastermind business card so that they could consult with each other about world domination plans later. After getting some blood flowing to his feet again, Tobi pranced to the Pokémon Center and eagerly anticipated the last leg of his journey.


	22. Elite No More

**Author's Note: Updates are really going to speed up now since I have a ton of ideas for the next story arc. Reviews will be extra important for that. You'll see what I mean when I get to that in the next update.**

Elite No More

Tobi quickly made his way to Route 22 where he easily caught Zetsu. He dashed past all eight guards to reach Victory Road. He found Sasori within minute, but it took him a while to subdue the rather disgruntled puppeteer. One speech about how annoying waiting is later, the group continues their overly long trek through Victory Road.

After hours of battling, walking, and endless whining, Tobi and his team finally reached the Indigo Plateau. After a moment of careful consideration, Tobi selected Cinderpaw, Zetsu, Deidara, Kisame, Itachi, and Pein to join him in his last few battles.

His first opponent turned out to be none other than everyone's favorite knucklehead, Naruto. His Ninetales turned out to be stronger than it looked, but Kisame still manages to defeat it using Surf. His Vulpix and Zorua barely lasted a second in comparison. Zoroark on the other hand thrashed Kisame using Night Slash before it was finally knocked out. Naruto's remaining Pokémon, Politoed and Poliwrath, were quickly defeated by Zetsu's Giga Drain.

Next up came Sasuke who proved to be quite easy to defeat. His Houndoom, Absol, Weavile, Shiftry, and his Scrafty never even got to make a move before being knocked out. Darkrai turned out to be Sasuke's only decent Pokémon as he managed to knock out Itachi. True, Itachi probably only lost due to his horrible accuracy, but Sasuke was sill more than happy to be able to beat him.

Things got much more difficult when Tobi faced Kakashi. His Latios and Latias both caused plenty of destruction before being defeated. Altaria and Flygon proved to be powerful as well though they didn't last too long. Garchomp put up a valiant fight before fainting and Giratina even managed to knock out Pein, but Tobi was still triumphant in the end. Leaving his fellow masked man behind, Tobi prepared to face the last of the Elite Four.

Tobi was quite surprised to see one distressed Sake acting as his last opponent before his fight with the Champion. She was so upset she let Cinderpaw maim her Entei, Raikou, Suicune, Meowth, Glameow, and Skitty without so much as a single bit of resistance. The only difficulty Tobi had with Sake was the speech he received after trying to ask her what was wrong.

"Sandy's really done it this time. I understand not being on her final team and being the last match's referee. But I can't believe she let HIM take my place. She probably doesn't even care about me any more!" A malicious and creepy look slowly appeared on the cat's face. "Just a few more days and I'll show her why you should never ignore a cat!"

Sake then proceeded to lead Toni into the Champion's room. They were all in for a shock since Tobi apparently wasn't the first one to challenge the Champion. Ash and his Pokémon were all cowering in a corner in fear of Sandy's apparent team. Sandy snapped her fingers as a signal and the six Pokémon began mauling Ash. Apparently busy enjoying the tortured screams that followed, Sandy finally noticed Tobi. "Took you long enough. We'll be fighting out there." Sandy flipped a small switch in the wall. The next thing Tobi knew, massive doors were opening to reveal an enormous outdoor coliseum, a crowd of a couple hundred people and the rest of Tobi's team in the stands, and of course Gaara standing on one side of the arena. Sandy quickly joined him as Tobi and Sake took their positions.

Gaara's Sandslash and Tyranitar proved a bit tough for Kisame, but he still managed to half drown them eventually. Sandy's Rayquaza forced Tobi to keep switching around his Pokémon so that they wouldn't be knocked out, but it was eventually beaten as well. Her Zigzagoon was barely worth mentioning as it never managed to attack at all. Tobi was surprised to see Sandy actually send Gaara out, but Kisame beat him easily using Dive and Surf.

Muttering something about hot Fire types, Sandy herself entered the fight and boy did she mean business. Kisame was no match for her Frenzy Plant. Deidara had enough common sense to use Explosion to spare himself the misery of getting torn to shreds while leaving Sandy with less than half of her HP. Zetsu also fainted quickly thanks to Sandy's Blast Burn. With only Cinderpaw remaining, Tobi began getting pretty worried.

Apparently Tobi was not the only one unhappy about the battle's progress. Shukaku, drunk as a skunk from his hundredth barrel of beer in the sidelines, wouldn't stop screaming about the lack of bloodshed. Sharing a quick glance, Cinderpaw and Sandy silently agreed to shut the fat sand spirit up. Sandy used up her remaining Frenzy Plant, Blast Burn, and Hydro Pump attacks on Shukaku with Cinderpaw pummeling him as well. After they were certain Shukaku would not interrupt them again, Sandy and Cinderpaw resumed the fight.

Cinderpaw quickly brought Sandy's health dangerously low and burned her using Flamethrower. Sandy was stuck using Metronome, but she managed to get lucky and hit Cinderpaw with Thunder. Cinderpaw responded by using Water Gun. With her health now in the red zone, Sandy got lucky again and used Mega Punch on Cinderpaw. The match was about to be declared over after Cinderpaw forcefully collided with the one of the arena's walls, but she managed to struggle back to her feet. With one final Water Gun, Cinderpaw finally defeated Sandy.

With a quick whistle, Sandy summoned a huge Palkia to trigger the teleportation back to the real world. The tailed beasts were teleported back to their statue while the Akatsuki found themselves in a lab along with the real Tobi, Sake, Gaara, Sandy, and the Elite Four. After the Akatsuki nearly suffocated Tobi with a group hug, the all headed back to their hideout praying to never fall pray to another one of Sandy's traps again.


	23. Jaws

**Author's note: I'll be leaving for a trip tomorrow that will last 10 days and the new arc will start when I get back. Since nobody has been reviewing lately, I've gotten a new contest idea. The first person to review any chapter of this fic starting with this chapter will get to tell me exactly what kind of one-shot they want me to post before the next update. I won't write M rated stuff and it must be a topic I know about (see my profile for ideas). Otherwise, make it as wild and insane as you want.**

Jaws

Kisame and Itachi were in a small fishing boat in the middle of the ocean waiting for the results of there auditions to come in. Pein had heard about a new reality show and since he'd promised Kakuzu that he would enter them in the next show he heard of, everyone in the Akatsuki had sent in audition tapes. Since they hadn't received any news within the last few weeks, the Akatsuki had decided to spend the day at the beach. Typical Kisame had dragged Itachi onto a boat to eat lunch and fish.

Thanks to his brand new contact lenses, Itachi was able to eat his whole ham sandwich without missing his mouth once. Sadly for him, Kisame's lunch was much messier. After reeling in his first fish, Kisame covered it in ketchup and started eating it raw. Itachi had to puke over the side of the boat as the blood flying everywhere was too much for him to bear. After an embarrassing and awkward apology, the pair resumed fishing.

It wasn't long before a very familiar tune was heard by Itachi. Starting to get nervous, Itachi whispered, "Is that your ringtone?"

Kisame shook his head. "I didn't bring my cell phone. Maybe you're hearing things." The next thing Itachi knew, the something huge bumped the bottom of the boat. Getting queasy again, Itachi held onto his stomach and mentally cursed Kisame for dragging him out there.

"Did you feel that? There's no way that was a small fish."

Kisame rolled his eyes. "It's the waves Itachi. The waves. We're in an ocean and oceans have waves. I thought you were supposed to be smart." Itachi groaned and turned his attention back to his line. That's when a huge black fin emerged through the water's surface.

"Kisame, please tell me you can see that fin." The fin submerged as Kisame exasperatedly turned around.

"That damn eye doctor must have screwed up your contacts. I told you glasses were the better option."

"Uchihas don't wear glasses. They screw up our sharingans!" Itachi rubbed his temples. Then he screamed as a massive shark leapt out of the water and tried to eat him.

"You could just say they're for nerds. Everyone knows that's what you think." Kisame finally noticed the massive shark fighting Itachi. "Great barrier reef!" Kisame yanked on the shark's fin to pull Itachi up for air.

Just when Itachi was about to beat Kisame up for not believing him, the shark started talking. "Cousin Kisame!"

"Bruce! I haven't seen you in ages. I see you've met my partner, Itachi. I think he hasn't quite developed his sea legs yet. I'd love to catch up with you, but I think Itachi and I had better go back to the beach."

Bruce helped push the boat back to shore and left to chase after a random surfer. Pein raised his eyebrows as Kisame wiped away a few tears and Itachi kissed the sand. "It's about time you came back! Tobi already started a sandcastle building contest with Gaara and Sandy while the rest of us have been bored half way to death. I was just about to hand out the acceptance letters from that studio!" Everyone leaned in close to Pein as he read of the names of the lucky members. Looks like they had to catch a flight to the competition grounds!


	24. Total Drama Ninjas

**Author's note: Since I no longer have anything I have to follow while writing this, chapters should seem longer and/or less forced now. The outcome of this arc is not entirely set in stone. I have plenty of ideas for it, but I'm willing to take suggestions on this. I might put up a poll about this later on. For now, review to help me make sure this is as good as possible.**

Total Drama Ninjas

Somewhere on a remote island south of the Mist Village, a few helicopters were unloading. Gaara, Deidara, Naruto, Konohamaru, Itachi, Tobi, Hinata, Choji, Kakashi, Konan, Sandy, Haku, Jiraiya, Sasuke, Sakura, Shikamaru, Pein, Sasori, Orochimaru, and Temari all arrived on the island awaiting further information about the reality had been selected for. As if on cue, Sake and a few dozen cameramen soon arrived on a private jet.

Motioning for an intern to position a megaphone for her, Sake explained the situation. "Ladies, gentlemen, and freaks, you have all been chosen to compete for one million dollars! I will now split you all into two teams, mess with you, likely get screamed at, and explain the competition." Sake stifled a laugh as many of her victims reflexively grabbed onto their loved ones and teammates. "Gaara, Konan, Deidara, Kakashi, Naruto, Choji, Hinata, Tobi, Konohamaru, and Itachi will now be known as the Screaming Foxes. The rest of you will be the Killer Cats."

It took Sandy only one second to start her ranting engines. "First you weasel the hosting spot away from me and now you're screwing with me!" Sake flashed a long contract in Sandy's face and stuck her tongue out. Sandy then pouted and assumed her own special you're-toast-you-jerk position that she usually reserved for Deidara.

"Anyway, you'll all be stuck here with minimal provisions. Most of you are young, but since you are ninja, the producers tweaked a few things. Each team will find a small shelter in the woods with one day's worth of rice and water. You will need to find what ever else you need by yourself. Contestants are required to sleep in their team's designated shelter and males and females must sleep on opposite sides. I'll see you all in the morning for your first challenge right here. I'll be in my five star camp." Sake tossed each team a map and left. Itachi and Sandy each caught the maps and everyone marched or, in Sandy's case, trudged to their shelters.

The Screaming Foxes quickly settled down at their shelter and began cooking their modest dinner. Aside from Choji, everyone felt pretty satisfied after the meal. The team then proceeded to go to bed with Deidara shoving himself as far from Gaara as possible to avoid future accusations by Sandy, Naruto, Konohamaru, and Hinata quietly forming an alliance, and Gaara and Sasori stuck being as nearly sleepless as usual.

The Killer Cats were not so lucky. The meal went decently, but things quickly went downhill. Jiraiya started hitting on Sandy and Orochimaru joined in by complementing her on what a great body she had. The two creeps quickly regretted their remarks as Sandy glared kunais at them. "First of all, I have a boyfriend. I'm not interested in dried up and ugly old prunes like you guys. Secondly, keep your wandering eyeballs to yourselves you perverts!" Orochimaru then made the grave result of calling her boyfriend a worthless pile of flesh. Before anyone knew what was happening, Sandy had already given, Orochimaru a black eye, knocked three of his teeth out, and kicked him hard between his legs before smacking him in the head hard enough to knock him out.

Sandy then turned her glare to Jiraiya. "It's okay! I'll just hit on one of the other three women on this team instead!" After Haku, Sakura, and Temari all shared a group glare at the pervert, Sandy rolled her eyes and went to her bed without noticing Sasuke's eyes following her the whole time. As the women and the she-man planned Jiraiya's demise, the men grumbled about troublesome women. Many wistful glances were cast towards the other camp before the whole team hit the hay.

The next morning, the contestants returned to the Challenge Clearing. Sake stood there with a large chest and what looked like a pile of sticks. "Today you will all be competing for immunity and what's in here." Sake opened the chest to reveal knives, bows, arrows, and a small bad of fruits. A 'stick' was tosses to each competitor. "These wands are specially enchanted and do not require anything other than a flick of your wrist and your happiest memory. Members of each team will fight each other using their patronuses. The winner of each fight is the person with the last patronus standing. Matches are randomly drawn."

Gaara and Temari were the first two to fight with Temari creating a hawk and Gaara making a lion. Needless to say, Gaara's lion easily dispatched Temari's patronus. Next up were Orochimaru and Deidara with a cobra and a chicken respectively. As Deidara groaned about a rigged wand, his chicken was eaten. Sasori and Naruto had a more complicated match. Though Naruto's fox looked muscular and tough to beat, Sasori's eagle evaded all of its attacks with ease. The eagle then gained the upper hand by slashing one of the fox's eyes out with its talons. One dive for the fox's throat then ended the match in Sasori's favor. Deidara coughed out something that sounded a lot like Snape before the next match started.

The match between Pein and Konohamaru was clearly one sided. Pein's wolf easily thrashed Konohamaru's puppy. Itachi and Shikamaru were more evenly matched. Itachi's weasel managed to bite Shikamaru's deer, but the patronus's hooves quickly pummeled the weasel. Sakura and Tobi had a more surprising matchup. Tobi's team groaned when Tobi II was pitted against a badger. Everyone was surprised when the strange cat assumed a combat pose and proceeded to beat the badger with impressive taijutsu. Sasuke and Hinata on the other hand had a more predictable match. Though Hinata's dove tried its best, it was no match for Sasuke's tiger.

Neither Jiraiya nor Choji really wanted to fight. Being bruised and battered himself, Jiraiya created a scrawny toad. Choji's obese warthog faired little better as it was almost too lazy to move, but it eventually mustered up the energy to roll over onto the toad and put it out of its misery. Haku and Kakashi had a livelier match. Kakashi's panther and Haku's surprising polar bear gave each other a run for their money. Though it fought well enough to break one of the polar bears paws, the panther was still smashed hard enough in the side afterwards for Haku to claim the victory.

Now only Sandy and Konan remained. Konan sent out a beautiful unicorn that caused adoring sighs from most of the women and groans from most of the men. The men were soon thrilled to see Sandy summon a huge dragon though she actually seemed to get a few shades paler when she saw it. Konan's unicorn put up quite the fight by flailing about with its hooves and stabbing at the dragon with its horn. The dragon soon had the unicorn's neck in its mouth though. A twist and a disturbing crunch later, the unicorn was dead. The dragon dragged the corpse over to Gaara's feet before both disappeared.

The Killer Cats claimed victory and made the elimination ceremony less obvious for everyone. Though booth teams managed to catch enough wild game for their meals, the Screaming Foxes were too busy discussing the elimination to enjoy them. By the time the elimination ceremony came, a certain someone's stomach made the choice more obvious. Partly out of pity and partly out of annoyance, the Screaming Foxes sent Choji packing.


	25. Monster Clash

** Author's note: I should be able to update this at least one more time before school starts, but that is questionable since nobody seems to care enough about this to review it. I appreciate the favorites, but those just don't come close to how exciting reviews are to get. Honestly, even flames would be welcome right about now.**

Monster Clash

After using a megaphone to scream at the contestants to get up, Sake led everyone to two very large and complicated machines. "Today you will be creating you own creatures to fight against each other. Besides one pair for the Killer Cats, each station will be operated by only one person. Stations will be held responsible for individual characteristics of the creature such as chakra, skin, muscles, and others. The two final creations will be controlled by one person each using remote controls to send signals to the brains of the monsters. The battle begins as soon as both creatures are completed."

Each team briefly discussed their overall plan for their creature before everyone went to work. The first thing both teams worked on was the skeleton of their creatures. Konan eventually made the Screaming Foxes' creating have long claws and teeth as well as horns while Shikamaru's design had an enormous tail and wings besides long fangs.

Sasuke gave the Killer Cats' animal large muscles especially around its neck and chest to sacrifice speed for power. Kakashi on the other hand evenly distributed his creature's muscles. Orochimaru and Pein quickly decided their creature needed a leathery, scaly hide to protect it from the potentially weaker attacks of the other creature. Tobi couldn't resist the temptation to make his animal have soft fur despite the protests of his teammates. Sasori made sure the Killer Cats' creation had poisonous saliva to weaken the other creature even if it couldn't get many bites in while Hinata opted to add a rapid healing rate instead.

Sakura gave her creation powerful hearing and eyesight and though Itachi also added keen eyesight, he also chose to give his creature increased intelligence. Jiraiya made his creature a female for obvious reasons while Konohamaru made his a male. Temari then made the reptile more aerodynamic so it could fly easier while Naruto made his primarily suited for life on land.

As Sandy and Gaara gave their creatures large amounts of their own chakra to fight with, Deidara and Haku prepared to direct their creations with modified GameCube controllers. After Sake quickly summoned an electronic display showing each creature's stats, both teams winced at extremely prominent weaknesses before the match began. The Killer Cats' dragon took to the air as the Screaming Foxes' mammal cautiously waited for an opening. Though the dragon attempted to bite its opponent multiple times, it was simply too slow to land any hits. The mammal simply kept observing the dragon tiring itself out. With a frustrated roar, the dragon released a torrent of flame to enclose the opponents in a much smaller arena.

Sensing the dragon's loss of patience and control, the mammal sent up a large amount of sand. Though the dragon's fire ended up turning some of the sand into glass, it could not breath enough fire to stop all of it due to its wasteful use of it earlier. Most of the contestants gasped in surprise and pity as the dragons wings were crushed by the remainder of the sand. With an agonized roar, the giant reptile fell back to the ground. The mammal pounced on the dragon's bloodied back and began tearing into it. The dragon angrily thrashed around until it finally flipped itself over to nearly flatten its opponent and cause itself to scream in pain.

Just as Sake was about to call the match, the mammal hurled the dragon off of it with its sand and once again attempted to latch on to its foe. The reptile scored its opponent along its flank using its sharp claws and prepared to bite it in its brief moment of weakness. The mammal was prepared though as it barreled into the dragon after its enemy had reared up onto two legs to prepare itself. The mammal firmly stood on the dragon's chest and prepared to land the killing blow. As everyone leaned foreword in anticipation and Deidara attempted to command the creature to perform the final strike, the remotes began to malfunction. With a hiss and a zap, both of them short-circuited.

The eyes of both creatures widened in surprise as they were released from the teams' control. Sake groaned as both creations then looked each other over curiously. She then proceeded to ram her head into a tree trunk repeatedly as the mammal got off of the dragon. Both creatures leapt out of the ring of fire. Despite the interns attempting to tranquilize the beasts so they could be prepared for a rematch the pair quickly ran off into the surrounding forest. Attempting to calm herself, Sake addressed the contestants. "Since the Screaming Foxes were controlling the creature that most likely would have won the challenge, they are safe from elimination. The Killer Cats will meet me for the elimination ceremony tonight. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go call off a deal with the local freak show."

All of Hell broke loose once the Killer Cats reached their camp. Sandy, Haku, and Sasuke were quickly singled out as the creators of the main issues. Sandy and Sasuke were both equally outraged, but Sandy defended herself faster than anyone. "I'll admit my chakra probably screwed us up after the malfunction, but the match would not have lasted so long without such horrible design flaws. Even if the creature's overly massive muscles did slow it down, a competent controller should have managed to overcome that. The fire overuse didn't help either, so it seems clear to me who should go."

Haku still attempted to defend himself despite the increasingly slim chances he had. "The other creature was built for speed, so ours wouldn't have stood a chance in close combat, as you saw. I thought the dragon could use its flying skills to overcome its speed issues."

Sasuke simply smirked at Haku's attempt to defend himself as the remainder of the group conferred amongst themselves. Though Sasuke was almost eliminated due to overloading the dragon with way too much muscle, Haku ended up getting the boot for his failure to adapt to the obvious flaws properly and for his lousy strategy.


End file.
